Evangelion: The Rebirth of the Beginning
by theWanderingANBU
Summary: In a world decimated by the aftereffects of the Third Impact, only Shinji and Asuka remain. What will they do to survive this world that seems to give no feeling or hope of survival? Find out by Reading and please Review!
1. Prologue

_Well, hopefully you like it! To those out there, I'm sure there are **many** stories out there dealing with the possibilities of what happens after EVA, but this is my interpretation. So I'm making sure that there can be no similarities with other authors but I'm hoping it turns out well, this is my first story for EVA that I've written..._

_There is some sexual references and some language...so ti's a borderline PG-PG-13 story. Well, enjoy!_

**Prologue**

It finally happened, everything that had been done, all the accomplishments that had been made had finally came to feed its purpose. The project that NERV tried to deny and not allow to happen had happened, and the world as we know it had changed forever. Now they had finally reached what seemed God's domain, Instrumentality, everything, becoming God themselves. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore; the Angels, Evas, everything….what the hell was it all? One boy, two girls, the world resting on his hands. He was the beast that shouted I at the heart of the world, only to try and create a world in which he could live in peace and happiness. Yet, was it really happiness that he seeked, the thing he so desperately desired? Or was it the healing of the wounds in his heart that his father created, creating a lapse to where he could never grow to love himself nor someone else.

With the piercing of the hands…and the ego borderline reaching the critical condition…everything seemed to happen to where you got the feeling everything wrong was going to happen…

He had the choice of allowing the others, humanity, to live or for him to live in eternal solidity, he wanted to run away. So desperately wanting to find a way away from the pain to where in the end, he chose the solidity…

In the abyss of the darkness,

_I'm alone…._

_I'm alone by myself…._

_Yet why do I feel as though I don't like it here?_

The questions rose through his mind in the world where he truly was alone.

The Human Instrumentality project had been done, Third Impact had happened and he was the cause of it. Now the burden was laid on his shoulders.

_I hate it, I hate this feeling…._

He was asked if he wished to stay in the world where only he was there…because he hated himself and never wanted to face his fears. He was the coward, wimp, sneaky boy he had claimed to be, and he felt no one loved him…

But was that true?

He felt it pang at his heart like searing hot tongs…but still he couldn't let it loosen its grip…

**You only believe that everyone hates you, but you hate yourself, that's why you can never be happy_…_**

_Damn it….I know but doesn't everyone hate me?_

**You only choose to believe that_…_**

_But why? Why do I always run away?_

**Because you can't love yourself, that is why you're alone…**

_I know that! I run away because I feel as though I can never feel happiness… _

**Then it is your choice…but you can love another, it's ok…because you create yourself in the eyes of others…**

So I can see my as myself and that can be perceived in the sight of others…does that mean…?

**That you can love another too..**

I hate myself, but I can learn to love myself. If I learn to love myself…then I can be loved by others! Yes, I want to be loved! Because I am the one that creates my own image in the minds of others, I am the controller of my existence, my shape, my being. So I want to love myself!

"I want to be back on Earth. But what will happen to the others?" asked Shinji with a chill and a new peace in him. It was something that he always wanted but never could have...a sense of happiness and peace.

"**They can come back if they choose too…they only have to have the will to become a human again…"**said Ayanami with a smile, Shinji slowly descending back to Earth_. _

The Beast Had Shouted I at the Heart of the World, to come back to become the saviour of humanity. To try and undo the mistakes he had made, to try and release the burden he truly faced on his shoulders. In this eternal solidity to where it was only he and he alone could he finally figure out the problems, the ways to heal not only from others…

But with himself…

The next thing he knew, there he was there lying on the sandy beach…and next to him was another human, the girl that he least expected…

_Asuka…._


	2. 1 The Beginning after the Aftermath

Chapter 1: The Beginning After the Aftermath

He finally felt what he always wanted and yearned for but never wanted to go to, he always ran away. He felt the feeling that he never thought he would feel, because in the end he never gave himself the chance of feeling it, hating himself and wishing to not be close to anybody. Now he had finally done it, allowed himself to feel it, to grasp the harshness of reality and use it for his own good; the one thing that he so desperately seeked, yearned for, and that was happiness. Yes, even though the world he saw was dim, hopeless and bared no sings to where it seemed life as he knew it was so many centuries ago, he finally attained the peace that he desperately needed. Now on this barren beach that was sand and an ocean of LCD while a face with eyes of shock watched over him, he lived again, giving the human race a chance of existence, with the person he least expected that is. There she was, the red-haired demon that always fought beside him, the one he seemed to wish to feel close to and yet run away from was right there; Asuka Sohryu-Langley.

He looked at her and remembered all the times she caused him the feeling of being hated, anger and stupidity. All the times she showed him pain instead of compassion, all the times he wished she would be there for him to lean on and she never was. Slowly he got up and walked over to her and sat on top of her as she laid there covered in bandages on both her right arm and right eye. With the memories that he held of her, he quickly grabbed her throat and began to strangle her.

"By doing this, I end the chance of pain, end it now, I….I…" he began to think while he continued strangling her, her eyes showing fear and anger. Why was he doing this? What could it be? With a trembling hand that slowly rose, she carefully caressed his cheek as she felt the grip release. His eyes opened in shock at the feeling of someone caressing his cheek, for it seemed only one person had done that; his mother. He let go and began to weep, because there he went to go and run away, to cause any slight chance of pain to come at him and lose a chance at love. All these things came crashing back down on him like a sack of 10 pounds weights in his heart. Asuka looked at him with a glare that she couldn't wipe.

"How disgusting…." she muttered under her breath, him still crying on top of her. There she began to look at the boy who she so desperately hated whenever he was the one to save her, the one who beat her in everything, who seemed to shred her reasons of existence everyday.

Ever since she had seen him, she always felt she was the better. She could never lose to him, never was all she could tell herself in her mind. When the days came when she fought with Shinji and Rei, she never could be the hero nor the best out of the three pilots, for it was always Shinji no matter what. Yet, she started to feel something towards him in some way….but what was it?

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" began Shinji as she watched him in his pathetic state, the thoughts and the look of how Shinji showed his true colors only made Asuka feel sick to her gut.

"I just hate it that you hated me. I don't want to be alone anymore!" screamed Shinji in his pathetic state. Her eyes opened up in shock at the words "I don't want to be alone anymore.", them echoing in her head continuously.

"Shinji…" whispered Asuka as he looked at her and stopped, hearing her. She looked at him and realized he heard her, shocking her.

"Asuka…" he whispered as she blushed at this. Why! At a time like this! And of all people, him.

"Uh…well…can you get off of me baka!" said Asuka blushing, as Shinji looked down and caught on that she was embarrassed by him sitting on top of her. He got off of her immediately and sat next to her. The silence lasted for long, neither one of them could find the word to speak.

"What are we going to do now?" asked Asuka to break the silence with Shinji looking at her with a puzzled look. He didn't know for sure what to do, and didn't know what the hell lied in the future too. He just couldn't find the answer, was there really any chance of survival on this seemingly damned planet?

"I don't know…." said Shinji as a simply reply, not looking at her to reply. She looked at him to see how he would reply, only to find disappointment. She then looked back out into the LCL pool that contained the billions of lives in the form of a liquid.

"However…"

Asuka looked back at him in shock, because that's when he turned and looked at her, but with a different look than usual. It was a look of happiness and optimism, something that you wouldn't catch Shinji with before.

"We'll figure it out…..together…" said Shinji, looking at her in the eyes to show the meaning behind those words. Together….the word sounded so warm and comforting to her but why? Why was he able to make her feel this way? Even when they fought together, at times he was able to cause her to feel this feeling of warmth and someone close. She hated him though, and didn't understand herself anymore.

"Whatever…" said Asuka in a normal tone that Shinji had gotten so used to, still it didn't faze him much.

"This place…it's so barren…so quiet…" began Shinji, trying to start a conversation. Asuka looked at him and replied with a nod and "yes".

"Well, we need to find a place to stay out or find some stuff to build a home." said Shinji, getting a shocked reaction from Asuka. Since when did Shinji actually start making firm decisions!

"You're right Shinji…" said Asuka looking back at him with a more relaxed face. Somehow, he was becoming more of the man she thought she saw.

Carefully, he helped her up and put her arm around his shoulder to help her walk, walking without a direct destination, leaving the hell that he himself had created for both himself and Asuka. The ruins of Tokyo-3, a once thriving city and home of millions now stood as dirt, sticks and LCL.

"Shinji…why did this happen…?" asked Asuka as he helped her, him looking up into the air and seeing the clear view of space.

_I didn't want to have any chance of pain…._

"Because of me…because of my and my cowardice…because…" continued Shinji, until Asuka got annoyed and interrupted him so he wouldn't continue.

"I get the point Shinji, you were an idiot!" she yelled at him, only to cause his head to droop down some. Did her words really affect him that badly?

"Asuka, you're right, I was an idiot…" began Shinji as Asuka waited to see what he was going to say. Was it going to be the idiotic and cowardly type of words or what?

"But I won't be a coward anymore. I won't run away! I failed that with my father, but I can't fail you!" exclaimed Shinji with a sad tone in his voice, causing Asuka to flinch and somewhat blush at these words. He'd changed into something he never seemed to be able to fit, no matter how much you looked at him.

"Alright Shinji, then you better not!" said Asuka with a smile, causing Shinji to smile back as he knew they were words of encouragement. Without even knowing it, he was causing her to change into a completely better person…


	3. 2 The Change in Both of The Two

Chapter 2: The Change in Both of the Two…

The sun began to descend on its normal course, the sky changing into the many brilliant colors of orange, red and purple. Well, it seemed that way, though they could begin to see space coming from the areas not touched by the sunlight. It seemed what had happened, Third Impact, had caused more damage than he thought. He sighed at the thought of remembering the incident and how he was the one to blame. He felt the weight of the burden come down on him again, as though a sack that contained millions of ten pound weights landed on his back. The feelings of regret, sorrow and anxiety struck him once again with a pang in his heart. Why was it so lonely here on Earth, even with Asuka? Was he still the coward he had always been.

"Unh…" moaned Asuka in her sleep, resting her head on Shinji's neck as he looked up at the sleeping red-haired beauty and demon he carried on his back. He didn't care about her being there, because after all, she had some pretty serious injuries on her. She needed the rest and so she was getting it now. He sighed at the thought and couldn't believe the predicament he was in no matter how much he tried to persuade himself that this was reality; a cruel, destroyed and barren Earth that both he and Asuka have to survive on to carry on the human race. They were the ones that had to start it over once again…which meant that…

"Don't leave me…please don't…" said Asuka talking in her sleep, tightening the grip of her arms around Shinji's neck. He looked back up to see her face in a sad expression, which made him wonder what was happening. What was it that was causing her to feel what she was now?

"No don't leave me mommy! Please don't leave me!" yelled the little six year old red haired prodigy towards her mother on her hospital bed. The door closed with the doctors behind it, causing her to stop right at the doorway. Why? Why did she have to be taken away from her? She could hear the hustling around in the room of the shuffling of the feet of the doctors, something was wrong, but what was it. Mommy seemed in perfect health, the type to where you'd least expect her to be having a problem.

"Have you checked this?" began the voice of one doctor with a tint of concern and haste. What was all the commotion for?

"Sir, we've checked that out already! But take a look at what the psychiatrist said about her mental stability and conditions…" said the voice of a younger doctor it seemed with an observing voice.

Psychiatrist? Mental Stability? Could it be that…?

"I understand…poor woman, must've suffered something traumatic. Looks like fate handed her a terrible card…" exclaimed the first doctor with a depressed tone. Asuka, being the prodigal genius she had become, picked up on what they had said. She had gone insane, flown over the edge of sanity and entered the realm of insanity. The madness that one's mind can create at this level was unpredictable; a troublesome thing to see.

"I hate you…" muttered Asuka under her breath with tears starting to roll down her face. Her eyes were swelling and her face showed rage and anger; pain she tried to run away from herself. Pain she never wished to have to feel at all…

"I HATE YOU!" exclaimed Asuka with her hands balled up in a fist and her face looking up towards the ceiling. The tears became uncontrollable, but worst of all; the tears were not just of sadness, but of hate and spite. Hatred and anger that was the feeling of being betrayed by the one she leaned towards to the most, the one who she felt she could never live without; her mother. She walked off with the eyes brimming in her pool of hatred and her trail of tears came to seem in a larger scale, for when she walked out of the hospital she felt rain slowly descend to where it began to increase more and more. She looked up towards the sky and saw the clouds of grey, the sunlight being contained behind them, like a curtain covering up the stage.

She ran off without a certain destination in mind because in the end, she felt alone, abandoned out for death to slowly swallow her, consume her every fiber of her being. Within minutes of sprinting away from the wretched site, she began to slowly walk, making it to her home wet and soggy. She stopped at the doorway, huffing and puffing and sweating at the same time.

"Why mommy? Why you? Why did you have to have this happen to you?" asked Asuka continuously in her mind, seeking for an answer that was never there. Her breath began to slowly come back to normal while she moved one step closer towards their front door. With that one step, the door automatically opened for her, allowing her to enter in a domain she was so familiar with. Quickly she took off her shoes while the door slid shut behind her, running towards her bedroom. She didn't mind closing the door to her bedroom behind her, running towards her bed and crying, no weeping for the fact that now life could never be the same. The tears began to run continuously once again, but with the hatred gone and the pang of loneliness kicking in. Sure she was wet from the rain, but she couldn't contain it. No more, she had to let it go for her own sake; for her own sanity.

Days went by on end with Asuka going to the hospital everyday watching her mom through a window. Asuka would always stand there with a bitter look on her face, watching her mom waste away in the hellhole they considered her safe in, but as the days went by, Asuka started to notice something changing with her mom, not just emotionally but with something else showing up.

"There, there my little girl, I need to take care of you, so stay with me forever please." begged the unstable mother towards a little doll she held in her arms. Asuka watched with shock eyes and the pang of sadness increasing. She, Asuka, was now a doll in her mom's eyes! Her anger rose and yet her pity for her mom grew in every visit, the contradiction in the feelings still showing. She loved her mom no matter what, and she couldn't change that. Then one day, it turned for the worst…

"Mommy, Mommy! I can't believe it! They chose me mommy! I'm gonna be an EVA pilot now! Look at me mommy! Look at me!" yelled Asuka running towards the door of her mother's room. Finally, something to be proud of and something to shake her mother's senses to realizing that she wasn't a doll. It was something she wanted to be able to share with her mom, no matter what had been going on, because in the end it made her happy.

"Mommy look at me!" exclaimed the excited six-year old girl opening the door, only realizing within a split second that the sight she was about to see would become the dread and most traumatizing thing in her life.

There, on the ceiling of the roof was her mother and her doll, a smile on the mother's face that made it seem like she wanted death. She wanted death to escape easily from the hardships of life, a leeway to break away from the troubles of the world…

When the funeral arrived, not one tear stained Asuka's face, or her clothes. She stood over her mother's grave with eyes full of hatred and rage, even if the rain came down; she just stood there with hatred.

"I can live on my own, I can take care of myself, I'll be fine, I hate everyone!" she yelled in anger and rage…

That was the reason she never got close to anyone; that was the reason why she couldn't allow herself to truly love someone. That was why she couldn't love him…

"Asuka, are you okay! Asuka!" yelled the familiar voice that she seemed to so desperately want to cling onto. Her eyes were opening slowly as the sunlight started to shine on the Earth once again. There, what was a blob at first she could see a familiar face and a guy who had a bewildering face.

"Huh…what…" she began while her eyes still slowly began to open. When her eyes fully opened she saw Shinji standing right next to her with a worried look on his face. She looked at him with also a puzzling look.

"What is it Shinji?" asked Asuka while he gave a sigh of relief. She was ok; he didn't have to worry about her as much.

"Well, I found us shelter and luckily some food that wasn't destroyed…" said Shinji as Asuka looked around, seeing a room with two beds and some canned foods around her. How was he able to find this place?

"Well, we got lucky that some places weren't destroyed completely, and the food was luckily still ok, that's why I was able to find this place, not so convenient though but it was the best I could find…and…" said Shinji trailing off, giving a curious look. What he going to ask her.

"Asuka, what happened to make you feel alone? Why don't you like being alone?" asked Shinji, not knowing that he had just reached a sensitive subject.

"Why do you want to know?" asked Asuka with anger starting to mound and her eyes beginning to show the anger she had been holding in these past fourteen years. Shinji still wanted to know like an innocent boy asking his mom or dad a question.

"Well, it was just while I carried you, you kept saying you didn't want to be alone and saying that someone had left you alone to live. That you hated everyone…" said Shinji as Asuka gave him a shocked look. Was she talking in her sleep?

She couldn't help but feel anger towards him at this moment. Even though he was the one that never knew anything about her, nor took the time to get to know her, it still angered her how he was willing to ask this. Sure, it was out of compassion and wanting to help soothe the pain she felt on the inside, but she didn't care, she didn't want anyone to come close to her, and he was pushing it farther than anyone before.

"It's none of your damn business you…you….," began Asuka with her head drooped and her anger rising in her voice. Shinji flinched back a little bit from the anger he felt coming from her.

"JERK!"

That was what she yelled at him as she ran away from him, from it all. Shinji stood there with an arm seeming to want to reach out to her, but he couldn't move at all. Why was his mind contradicting his body, and why his body contradicting his mind? He wanted to comfort her; he didn't know why she was mad. Finally, he willed himself to move as he ran towards the trail that Asuka left of tears once again.

"Asuka, where are you? Asuka!" yelled Shinji continuously over and over, searching for her frantically. With sweat running down his face and his breath shortening and increasing in breaths, he continued to look for her. He didn't want to be alone either; he needed her now more than ever. It seemed she was the whole reason behind him trying to make sure they had shelter and food; it was…wait…was he falling for her? He blushed at the thought of liking her and realized that…that…

He did like her, that he had for a long time but he could never tell himself that. He couldn't admit it to himself at all. But why could he not? Why couldn't he face the truth that was in front of him so long ago? Because of the simple factor he always knew about himself.

_By hating myself, I could never allow myself to love or be loved…_

He felt it ring, the message in his head. Now he was finally able to admit it, that he fell for her so long ago…

"Asuka, please talk to me, Asuka!" yelled Shinji to make sure he didn't give up. He continued frantically for an hour looking for her. No, make that a few hours until finally he found her sitting on a heap of rubble of what seemed like a hospital. She sat there gazing out into the distance to watch the sky and the brilliance of it all. There she sat, with her head rested on her knees, her eyes soaked with tears as they still slowly fell down her delicate skin. He saw her and felt sorry for everything now.

"Maybe I shouldn't have asked…" thought Shinji as he slowly approached her. Slowly, as if he knew it was right, slowly approaching and reaching his arm out to put a hand on her shoulder. When his hand made contact, he felt her flinch under his touch.

Immediately after that, she jumped up and turned around with a hurt and yet angered face.

"Leave me alone dammit! I don't need you!" yelled Asuka in rage as she backed away from him.

"Don't say that Asuka, I want to be here for you! Please talk to me about it…" said Shinji as Asuka continued in her blind rage and saddened state.

"I don't need anyone, I don't need you!" she screamed as her heart tried to scream for him to grab her, hold her in his arms as it only screamed in silence.

"Asuka, don't say that please! I'm here for you please just talk to me." said Shinji as he came closer to her and held his arms out. She looked at him with a scared look on her face.

"No! Leave me alone! Just leave me alone!" Asuka screamed with her hands curled up in a fist and her arms to both of her sides. She stood there with tears trailing down her face and her hands still curled up in fists as he came closer to her. She didn't move as she felt arms wrap around her gently, with compassion and love.

"I hate you! I hate you! I hate everything!" yelled Asuka as the arms wrapped around her completely. She slammed her fists on Shinji's chest as he held her in his arms lovingly. He didn't care; he just wanted to show that he was there for her, that he cared for her.

"I'm here Asuka, its ok, you don't hate anyone, I don't want to be alone either." said Shinji with a calm and cooing voice that calmed Asuka down. Tears kept streaming down and she began to weep. Weep at the pain, the bitterness she held in side, weep at the fact that she had someone here who loved her and she never could face it.

Softly, in what seemed like just movements, he slowly brought her face to look at his, lifting her head up from the chin. Her eyes showed hurt and wounds that needed to be healed. Not just by anyone anymore, but…

By him and him alone…..

Calmly, with soft and loving movements, he brought his lips closer to hers. Her eyes still showed the pain inside, but her eyes were opening in shock as his lips came closer and closer until finally, their lips met. She looked at his face that showed his eyes were closed and his love for her shining. Slowly, her tense body began to relax, and her once-balled up fists were now hands that began to move slowly. Within moments, her arms wrapped around him as her eyes closed with the passion that was there. They stood there, lips locked and in each other's arms for what seemed like an eternity, for that very moment time had stopped. She felt as if all the pain she was feeling was drifting away and that the wounds she held inside were starting to heal.

"He's changed…he's really changed…" she began to think to herself while she stayed in the moment. He had changed, but for the better, and he finally became the man she was waiting for. The man that would be there for her and try to help her heal, the man that she desperately needed to show that she wasn't alone. All this time she had been waiting for one person no matter how much she couldn't bear to show it. This whole time she was waiting for…

Him…the man that held her in his arms…the man that was kissing her with gentleness and compassion…the man that was mending the broken heart she carried with her.

After that precious moment, they sat there together watching the sunset together, her leaning on him and resting her head on his shoulder while he held her with one arm. She loved the feeling her was giving her; warmth, love, compassion.

"Thanks Shinji…," began Asuka while Shinji looked down to her beautiful and soft eyes. She had a smile on her face that made him blush crazily.

"F-f-for what?" began Shinji stuttering at the beauty he had began to fall for faster than a person falling off a building.

"For helping me, for being there for me…for everything…" she said with a blush on her face and the precious smile that Shinji could stare at all day. She nuzzled her head a little bit more on his shoulder, signaling that she was completely comfortable with him, him blushing like crazy.

"Asuka…I didn't want to be alone either…and with you I don't feel alone…I feel alive and warm. So it should be me thanking you Asuka…" said Shinji as she looked up at him.

"Why? What did I do?" asked Asuka as Shinji looked back out towards the sunset. There seemed to be a silent pause that Asuka understood. It was only natural since it seemed they finally confessed their feelings for each other, it was a new start, a new life that they had to live together.

"You helped me change into this person I am right now, the one who doesn't want to run away, nor be a coward. The one that finally…finally…," began Shinji as Asuka looked at him with loving eyes.

"The one that doesn't hate himself…"

She blushed at the credit he had given her. He had changed her too and she didn't know it. He was changing her even as they spoke, but she didn't want to say it now, she wanted to save it for later when another precious moment like this, one she would never want to let go, would arise.

"Arigato Gosiamas" said Shinji while Asuka smiled and stared out into the sunset with him, watching the sun slowly descend to bring the night once again. They sat there for an hour as the sun set down on its final stretch of this journey.

When night struck, they began walking back towards their home, hand in hand, walking and talking and seemingly becoming more and more comfortable with each other.

"Asuka," began Shinji with a normal tone of voice, "I figured out why the Angels were attacking us."

"Why's that?" was her reply, looking up at Shinji's eyes to get a connection. Finally, his eyes met hers as they continued talking.

"The Angels attacked us because we were trying to enter God's domain, we were trying to become God himself with the Third Impact, the evas, Instrumentality, everything…" began Shinji as Asuka looked back down at the ground with eyes of understanding. She continued to listen to him silently while he continued his theory about it.

"We tried to become God by creating the Third Impact, to bring us to become one as a whole, to become a God that stretched the universe. That's why the Angels attacked, because we were never meant to become a God, and in the end, when the Angels stopped coming it seemed we had to learn the hard way…a small factor of the consequences being what we see now." Said Shinji as Asuka finally had questions to ask him.

"But what happened to the others? Like Misato, your father, Kensuke, everyone?" asked Asuka looking at him with a curious tone.

"They were turned into the LCD fluids that were in the EVA, one of the consequences that I have to deal with because of my actions…" said Shinji as she could see the pain he felt in having to admit that.

"So you mean, we're alone? That there is no possibility that anyone can come to life? That-that--," began Asuka as Shinji interrupted her quickly.

"We're alone…but I was told that someone can come back and turn into a human again if they choose to….they have to will themselves into becoming a human." said Shinji looking down at the ground. Asuka couldn't say anything, because she knew he didn't wish for this to happen like this. Sure, he was a coward and he did that because he wanted to run away, but he was teaching her something else that she didn't know how to do before, like it was becoming something so natural again. It was forgiving someone for something that can't be changed. Sure, he can't change the past but she can at least forgive him, because in the end, he had the qualities of a human being, since he is one, and in the end he met a situation he didn't know how to deal with.

"Shinji, don't get on yourself for that, you felt that you couldn't be loved by anyone, it's only natural. Don't go acting stupid on me again…" said Asuka with a light pat on her head and a teasing disappointed look. Shinji smiled at her watching how she acted.

"She's back to herself" he thought to himself while watching her, feeling as if she was really the one meant for him.

"What's with that face?" began Asuka with a more serious tone, Shinji flinching back a little from her.

"Wha-What do you mean?" asked Shinji in a fear. This was bad when she acted like this…who knew what was going to happen next.

"I saw that smirk of yours…" said Asuka with an angrier look than before, Shinji flinching back a little more…

"Well, it's just…." began Shinji trying to muster up the courage to speak up.

"Just what?" asked Asuka, taking on the job of asking the questions. Man, this was heading towards a bad moment…

"It's nothing really Asuka…" began Shinji as he blushed a little from the teasing he was doing to her. Now to tease her and play around was what swirled through Shinji's mind.

"Shinji, tell me right now!" demanded Asuka with Shinji by teasingly sticking his tongue out to her, which made her madder than ever.

"Shinji…come here…" said Asuka with the scariest face you'd ever seen (literally, just imagine it). Shinji began to slowly back away.

"Asuka, don't tell me that you're serious about this?" asked Shinji in a playful tone, helping Asuka to get what he was doing. It was really no use.

"You BAKA, I'm going to get you and figure out what you were thinking!" snapped Asuka as it caused Shinji to run.

"You can't catch me!" said Shinji while he ran, suddenly tripping on his own foot.

"Damn it…" muttered Shinji while rubbing his head with his hand while on the ground. Suddenly, his blood run cold, as he felt the presence of Asuka there.

"Shinji…tell me now…." Snapped Asuka as it seemed she was going to punch him, cracking his knuckles. Shinji got ready for the blow.

"Do you worst…" said Shinji as Asuka grinned, now her turn to tease him.

"Fine, have it your way…" muttered Asuka with Shinji looking up at her in shock. What was going on now?

"Don't plan on kissing me again…nor holding me...nor even coming near me…" she began without looking back at the now feeling tortured Shinji. Meanwhile Shinji was now feeling like doing that was a bad mistake.

"Come back Asuka! I have something to tell you!" yelled Shinji running towards the walking but feeling triumphant Asuka.

"I'm not listening!" yelled Asuka with a smile on her face, feeling even more triumphant. Shinji kept running towards her until he could finally catch up to her, telling her and caused her to smile.

"That was the big deal to not tell me? Wow…" said Asuka as they slowly headed towards their home.

"Well, than you can come near me, but nothing else…" said Asuka with a wink that got Shinji to grab her by the arm surprisingly and holding her in his arms, kissing her as she replied back with the same passion.

"I guess I did what I wasn't supposed to do…" said Shinji as Asuka said nothing, just going on through the rest of the night eating food and talking.

Finally, they decided to go to bed, both heading towards their beds, until…

"Shinji, can you sleep with me? I don't want to be alone…" said Asuka as Shinji blushed and looked at her shocked.

"Not like that you perv! I mean…you know…" said Asuka as Shinji smiled, coming towards her bed and laying there wrapping an arm around her.

"Goodnight Asuka…" said Shinji while Asuka got herself comfortable.

"Goodnight Shinji.." said Asuka as they fell into the temporary bliss of sleep.

For now…who knew what else that life was going to throw them…nor the consequences set out for humanities mistake of trying to enter God's domain…


	4. 3 Little Hope In Shattered Redemption

_Wow, this has been really great writing this, I've loved writing this so far and I'm glad to those who like it or just seem to think it's interesting! Thanks to the reviewers for reviewing it and helping me out, and I'm glad that there are some people who actually consider this one of their favorites so thanks once again! _

_Frost-Eva-04: Well, the consequences will slowly start to show themselves while it goes on, not sure how to really plan them or anything but thanks for the great reviews! And Asuka and Shinji will open up to one another more, but it'll take awhile still…_

_PeachBoyHacker: Thanks for the suggestions and everything. To me, this is like pt.2 of Chapter 2 that I thought should be for another chapter. And someone coming out the LCL might happen, but I won't say when, because really I don't know..._

_Okutai: Thanks for at least speaking up and saying something, I'm glad it's interesting, that means something to me so I'm glad you like it! Enjoy!_

_Rahhel: Thanks for reminding me that's it's LCL! Thanks for the confidence booster too!_

_A/N: Well, like I said in the reply to PeachHackerBoy, this is like a continuation of Chapter 2, so hopefully you'll still like it! Also, if you read this, can you please tell me what I'm doing right, wrong, just tell me in a review please! Any type will do! So well, enough of me talking, on with the chapter!_

Chapter 3: The Little Hope in Shattered Redemption

The past week had gone by fast…with life as he knew it still baring him no hope that he wanted to cling onto. Still, there had been one thing that had given him the strength to go on, to continue to change everything about himself. It was the red-haired beauty that would sometimes contain what seemed the personality of a demon inside; his precious Asuka Sohryu-Langley. Sure, it had only been one week since they became a couple, but it felt like an eternity to him, and he was sure as hell she felt the same. Ever since then, he'd begun to see a change in her, a brighter side and a loving side that truly compared to the beauty of her. He was falling for her fast, and he knew it, never allowing himself to try and stop himself. Things were great the way they were, he didn't care. Slowly, as he continued to work on improving the place he lived in, he watched her as she began to try and plant seeds for fruits and vegetables that he had found earlier in rubble. Somehow, it seemed he was finding more than what he thought was left for both him and Asuka

She was seemingly more beautiful than she had ever shown before, with her changing out of the Plug suit she was wearing after the Third Impact. In fact, even her injuries were completely healed and seemed to have disappeared a few days ago. Now, she was becoming a more normal looking Asuka, but on top of that, she was becoming the secret catch that he considered himself lucky to have everyday. Well, aside from the fact that there was no one else on the Earth. Still, he couldn't help but consider himself lucky. He looked around the place, remembering that even though it seemed this place bared no hope of making it, this place was still an ideal location. It had buildings that stood strong with supplies for food, clothes, medicine, anything. He believed that this was going to work out, even though it seemed they were in hell.

"Asuka…even though I feel happy with you, I'm sorry to put you through this…" thought Shinji to himself while he continued working on the house and glancing at Asuka He could sometimes see the sadness in Asuka's eyes when she smiled while they talked, and he knew what they were telling him in the end..

_Why me…and why does this still feel like hell?_

He shuddered at the thought of understanding her, the looks in her eyes. It was sadness in the harsh reality he created. It was like he still felt this pang in his heart. What if she only liked him because they were alone? Would she love another guy if they came out of the LCL already? Would he be the person that she wanted? He didn't want to believe it, shaking his head no at the possibility but his heart saying yes. Once again he plunged in to the darkness of the heart…the part he never wanted to visit again.

The darkness of the fear of rejection, hatred, once again…he was becoming his _old self_.

"Damn it! Don't fall back into my old self! Don't run away, don't run away! I mustn't run away! I don't want to feel alone again!" screamed Shinji in his mind while holding his head and stopping the work. Silently he stood there in silence, the solidity of his state of being…

Within a split second, he shook out of it, returning to the world that lay in front of him. He looked around once again and had the eyes that he had when he felt the change.

"I have to become a different person, I have to become brave! I will change!" Shinji told himself in his mind, his hands curling into fists. He continued working to make it seem like nothing happened to him, that he was okay and was just tired. Still, as he continued working, Asuka stood there and had watched the whole time, wondering what had happened. She did have an idea of what had happened to Shinji while looking down at the ground in anger, but not at him at all…she was mad at…

_Herself…_

Even if she changed, even if this did feel like eternity ever since their first real kiss, she couldn't admit to herself that she loved him. She didn't, she liked him, but to be in love this quickly? It wouldn't make sense. Sure, they had known each other for at least a year or more, but still, they never developed the feelings further when they were living together under Misato's care. So, love was out of the question, but still in these times…she couldn't help but ask herself…

_Would you still feel the same if he wasn't the only guy here?_

Asuka shook the thought out of her head while getting back to work on the ground while still planting some seeds. Could she really rule out the possibility that she only liked him because it was only him and her? She didn't want it to be that way; she had always felt some feelings for him, like whenever she watched him play the cello and listen to the beautiful music he created, the way he smiled when he was happy, the way he had saved her that one time in the volcano…but was it really real? Did she really like him that long? Or did she try and force herself to feel that way? Damn it, it didn't make sense to her. She couldn't make sense of it no matter how much she tried…

_As we go along…I'll learn for sure if it's true or not…I want to get closer to him…_

It had to be real; after all, she just admitted to herself that she wanted to be close to him. Or was she saying that to believe? Why did she feel this way? Suddenly, she too felt alone in this hell she wanted to feel like heaven with Shinji. She even once thought about suicide, but she couldn't do that to him. She did care for him, and she couldn't deny that, but now she had another question in her mind…_did he feel the same way?_

The day began to slowly leave while the darkness began to come. She stopped a second and wiped the sweat off of her forehead. She had been working for awhile, and she believed that there was hope in which her work would be fruitful.

"Asuka, I'm cooking dinner k?" said Shinji while moving towards the wood pile he had as Asuka came up to the home with a sad look on her face…

Later, with the fire lit and the cooking done, they ate silently, something they hadn't done in a while. It seemed awkward tonight, because both of them had second thought about everything…their relationship, the home, everything…

Without knowing, both looked up into each other's eyes, seeing the sadness that they both contained. Shinji looked into her eyes and thought he saw the same words that he saw so many times, while Asuka looked into his eyes to see a sadness she wanted to help heal, mend the broken heart, but she saw that he didn't know about this either, could he tell that her eyes contained the same message.

_Does she really like me?_

_Does he really like me?_

Both sat there continuing in silence but sat there looking into each other's eyes. They didn't want to talk, because they were trying to speak to each other through the eyes. It seemed they wanted to take away the fears that each one contained inside.

"Shinji…" began Asuka to break the silence, Shinji looked at her with an unsure look. What did she want with him? Don't think that way Shinji, don't think that way!

"Do you like me? Do you honestly feel like if there was a choice, let's say between me and Rei, who would choose?" asked Asuka while she saw Shinji's eyes open with shock. She wanted to ask him this question? Had she been feeling the doubt he too felt?

"Asuka…" said Shinji as he looked down at the ground, sending the wrong message to Asuka who looked at him with a sad look but then covered it with her prideful look, the type before she fell for Shinji.

"So you would pick her! I knew it, you ASSHOLE!" yelled Asuka standing up and yelling at him, while he sat there in silence taking the blow.

"Asuka…you didn't let me finish…" said Shinji as Asuka sat down in anger, wondering what he was going to say next. Was she right? Was she wrong? So many questions that needed to be answered now….

"Asuka, I would pick you even if there were millions of girls out there that liked me, to me you are the strength to keep me going on here. Because you are what helps me to change, and you become what I work for. I know I don't love you yet because it's way too early for that. Still, I want to get closer to you so I know that I love you, do you get it Asuka? I _chose _you…" said Shinji with a bright red face with leaving a shocked Asuka sitting in shock. Those words touched her more than any other words of romance…they took her breath away.

"Shinji…" began Asuka as she felt her head droop, her hair covering her eyes from him seeing, but he could see some tears falling down her face. Why, why was she feeling so weak all of a sudden? Her hands began to tremble as it slowly progressed to her whole body shaking.

"Asuka…" began Shinji as he came next to her and held her in her arms, cooing her with sweet nothings in her ear while she felt the warmth that he was giving her, the comfort he was giving her, everything. Why did she feel as though this was right to her, like she did the other time when she broke down? She couldn't shake it anymore; she knew what the answer was that was waiting inside of her.

"Shinji, I feel the same way, even if I treated you horribly, insulted you, cut you down. I can't believe you would want me! The girl who let her pride be her main strength, rejecting you, giving her heart to Kaji…but still I would choose you! I tried to evade all this…" began Asuka as he held her in his arms and held her passionately…

"_Because I couldn't let you make me feel weak…"_

Shinji sat there and soaked in those words, sitting there and still holding her in his arms. She continued on to continue because in the end, she wanted him to know everything inside of her.

"I felt as if liking you was wrong because I thought you weren't the right guy. But now I know that I need you Shinji, even if I hadn't shown it enough, I need you. So please, don't doubt these words!" said Asuka while he smiled and felt relieved from the bad feeling that he had previously. She put her arms on his chest while she hid her head in his chest, the tears soaking his shirt. He didn't care anymore though, this is what he wanted. He wanted her, needed her, and with this passing event, with these passing seconds, the feelings that he had for her grew. She was the one he needed.

She then looked up into the eyes of the man holding her. She didn't care, she couldn't hold it inside anymore. All these doubts, all these problems and secrets she wanted to hide, she couldn't anymore. They wanted to burst out, her heart finally screaming out loud to him, because in the end he was the one she wanted, needed and with each of these passing seconds, this passing event, she felt the feeling for him soar. He was the one that she needed. With both of them thinking the same thought with their eyes searching inside of each other finding the answer:

_We're the same, we don't want to be alone…_

The rest of the dinner continued on with them not letting go of the feeling they had, him holding her in his arms while they watched the full moon they had gotten so accustomed to. Nothing could take this feeling…this magic away from them no matter seemed to happen. She rested her head on his shoulder while phasing in the warmth of both him around her frame and the warmth of the fire. Personally to her, she felt that Shinji was warmer.

"Asuka…" began Shinji with a warm glow to it, something Asuka never expected to get out of him no matter what she did.

"What is it Shinji?" asked Asuka while she looked up at him. God, in this pale moon light, he seemed to be more handsome than before, but why?

"I need to tell you something that I couldn't before, is that okay?" asked Shinji while she gave a nod. She could sense the sadness behind it, was he finally starting to crack open for her?

"Everyday I feel like I'm putting you through hell because of the mistake I made of causing the Third Impact. You see, I feel as if I don't deserve you, this happiness, this life. All because I made the mistake of wanting to enter a world where I couldn't feel pain, suffering, just peace and calm to where I was alone. Until I realized that I felt empty, alone, that in the end what I thought I wanted wasn't what I truly needed. So you see, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I have liked you for a long time too, and so that's why you're here with me, because if I had to choose, it would be _you._" said Shinji in a brave remark throwing Asuka completely off-guard. Here he is spilling his heart out to her and she hadn't told him much, and up to this moment, the last time she had felt so close to him and done anything special with him was the kiss that helped her to calm down.

"And the now that I confessed how you are my strength, I can't fail you, like I failed to my father, but you know what? He told me one thing that I could never let go of…" continued Shinji as he continued to tell her, remembering what happened between him and his father that one day…

He wanted to go to the grave of his mother, something that he hadn't done in years, and he felt like an idiot for not doing that. It was a shame too, being the fact that here was a fourteen year old who wanted to stay away because he didn't want to remember…Still, now was the time to go visit her since he was near her grave and all being that he now lived in Tokyo-3. With the warm, vibrant colors of the afternoon, Shinji felt the loneliness consume him. His father treating him like dirt on the ground, and his mother wasn't there for him, he felt as if he was hated by everybody, that no one would care for him…

When he got there, he had lost all hope that his father would come. Instead though, he got a surprise, seeing his dad stand there at the grave, holding flowers in his hands. He dropped them onto the dirt that was near her tombstone, as Shinji walked to him and caught him by surprise.

"So you did come, do you come every year?" asked Shinji while Gendo didn't even bother to look at Shinji while replying.

"Yes, every year I do.." said Gendo while adjusting his glasses, still looking at the gravesite that showed the name of the woman he loved so deeply.

"Do you still have anything of hers?" asked Shinji while Gendo still stood there, not bothering to give Shinji the feeling that he truly existed in his eyes.

"No, nothing at all…" said Gendo with some warmth in it, it seemed a little odd for him to be like this…

"I bet you even burnt the pictures then…" said Shinji with a look of an emotionless stare while staring at her tombstone.

"Yes, but what matters is that it's all in my brain. Those are what are the most precious things Shinji remembering them forever in your heart and mind…" said Gendo while he began to walk off towards the helicopter that would take him back to NERV.

"Father I--," began Shinji, immediately cut off by Gendo while he turned around and looked at him.

"Shinji, quit trying to understand me and trying to talk to me. Humans can never understand each other, no matter how much they try. But we can never accept it due to human nature, so please Shinji, there's nothing more to say…" with those words he hopped into the plane, immediately talking to Rei with connection in his tone. Shinji stood there with a feeling of anger and hatred, along with the sadness and pain.

"Damn it! Damn it father! I hate you, why do you do this to me?" asked Shinji while he stood there some more, standing in front of the grave of his mother.

"Why is it that I always try but never get him to open up? What have I done wrong to make him act this way to me?" continued Shinji with the beat down on himself in his mind.

"_Humans can never understand each other, no matter how much they try…"_

Those words kept echoing in his mind, his very own feelings starting to go away. He didn't want to accept this as true, but instead it continued to sink into his mind.

"If they never can, they why don't they accept it? I hate it, the feeling behind these words…they're not true!" he would yell in his mind, scream it, just to make sure he knew it wasn't true to him.

"_This is the harsh truth, that no one should be able to understand one another…"_

Damn it! He had never tried to understand anyone because he hated himself. He couldn't even understand himself, the things he felt, why he always ran away, why he was a wimp and had no backbone. He thought out and tried to seek answers to his own questions about himself. These words that his father had said seemed to come true because it showed one thing to Shinji; that he didn't understand himself at all…

He took those words with a heeding feeling, never forgetting the fact that in the end, both he and his father failed to connect, to bond and to grow close…

"That's why Asuka…that's why it has been hard to open up even though I've changed…because of him I believed those words were true. Still, you've shown me that there can be understanding, compassion, or else we wouldn't be here together right?" said Shinji with a smile and kissing her on the lips. She kissed him back as a reply, hoping that he would feel what she wanted to reply with. She wanted it to say, you're right, we're here together. That no matter what will happen; we'll be together, because in the end, I need you too.

"Shinji, I need to tell you about why I was crying, why I got angry and everything…" said Asuka while she still kept herself resting on his shoulder.

"I want to tell you the truth about everything. First of all, although I may act tough on the outside and seem as though I know how to act and react towards anything, right now I don't know how to react what we're going through and getting this close. You see Shinji, ever since my mom killed herself and left me here while thinking I was a doll, I felt as if I needed no one near me, not anyone, because I was like you. I wanted to stay away from any chance of pain, no love or nothing. That's why I couldn't admit how I feel towards you, because I wouldn't know how to react…" began Asuka while she sat there and stared out into the fire deeply.

"Now, about why I cried in my sleep, it deals with my mom killing herself and everything, it haunts me no matter where I go. I remember the first day when I watched her go into the hospital and remembered the words "Mental Stability" and "Psychiatrist". She had gone insane…and with my father being the way he was, she was al I had left. When she killed herself, I felt alone in the world and as if nothing in the world made sense, no one was there for me. I felt as if the world was my enemy…" she continued as she felt the silence in the air of Shinji listening.

"Then, when I met you, I honestly detested you, thought you were a clutz, a wimp, and stupid…" that didn't help at all, thanks, Asuka was what ran through Shinji's mind, "but as we lived in Misato's apartment together, I can say that I started to feel these strange emotions towards you that were so foreign to me. They weren't like the girly crush like I had on Kaji, thinking it was love. No, it was more, as if I wanted you but thought I couldn't, that it didn't make sense. Still, when I would see you with Rei I would feel jealousy at times, thinking you liked her and all…but now I feel calm and content that I'm with you…so you see…although we both consider it hell I'm happy to be here with you too…" muttered Asuka while Shinji put his head on top of hers, both blushing many different shades of red at the fact that they just opened up to each other. Still, it felt right, like it was the right thing to do. She wanted to open up to him, so he knew what made her feel sad, what made her laugh, angry, everything.

"Asuka, glad you opened up, at least Kensuke wasn't here, he would be shocked at everything you say…" said Shinji with a sarcastic tone while Asuka gave him a confused look.

"Why's that?" asked Asuka while she moved her head up to look at him.

"Well, you know how he is, if he heard you say that, he would go "Damn it! Now I got to find another girl to fantasize about…"" said Shinji which got Asuka laughing pretty damn hard.

"You're right! I can't believe I find this funny…" said Asuka while Shinji laughed with him. Usually she would slap him and say things like "How dare you!" or "Shut up Baka!" but for some reason it got her to laugh.

"And I bet you're glad that you don't have to worry about Hikari spewing out everything to you…" said Shinji while Asuka sat there and had a glow to her face.

"Yeah, I can't believe she liked Toji…" said Asuka while she sat there and took a thought to herself. _Liked_, it had only been a few days ago she saw her and now she was using the term liked?

"I can't believe she liked him? I mean come on, the only thing he would want is pretty much to just stay away from her. Hell, he told me once that she was like a witch too him, scary as hell. Truth be told, I saw the same incident that caused him to think that. Apparently, he had bad short term memory…" said Shinji that got Asuka to smile. To reminisce about the past, the lives they had, the friends, it made them feel warm and ok inside, even if it was painful to say the words mostly in a past tense.

"So why did you decide to play the cello and to fly Eva?" asked Asuka while Shinji just sat there with her and didn't hesitate to answer.

"Because the music was my way of escaping reality that seemed to hurt me everywhere I turn, and Eva gave me a reason to exist. It gave me a purpose and made me feel as though I was meant to exist. Didn't you feel that when you piloted Eva?" asked Shinji while seeing Asuka nodded yes to him. Those words, the way he felt about Eva was the way she felt about Eva.

"You remember that time when the Evas from SEELE came and attacked? When I saw what they had done to you and your Eva, I freaked out Asuka. I hated seeing that, and I hated the pain I felt, the pain of feeling like I had lost you…" said Shinji while Asuka snuggled back into the comfortable feeling from Shiji.

"Well, you didn't at least right?" said Asuka while Shinji gave a light nod and pulled her hair back from covering her eyes. He loved the blue orbs that were her eyes, he felt as if he could get lost in them forever.

"Do you think anyone will come back Shinji? From the LCL?" asked Asuka while Shinji looked over towards the path that led both him and Asuka away from the disturbing site of the giant LCL pull and a deformed face of Rei.

"I don't know Asuka, I don't know…" said Shinji with no hope in his tone, Asuka sighing at the answer and felt that all hope for someone to come out of the LCL was less of a chance than hell freezing over.

"If they do Asuka, then it will be great! I don't know who will come, but still I wouldn't know what to say!" said Shinji while he got up and held his hand out to her while she took it kindly and got up, still holding his hand as they walked towards the room.

When they got there, they snuggled together while combining the two beds so they could have more room.

"Shinji, thanks for this, it'll help me sleep better and I love your arms around me…" said Asuka while feeling Shinji's breath down her neck.

"Asuka, I don't want this to end, I honestly want to hold you in my arms and never leave your side." said Shinji in her ear, causing her to blush twenty different shades of red at the words she just heard. Calmly she turned herself around to face him smiling, which made him blush faster than a train going over the maximum speed it could.

"I feel the same way Shinji, I feel the same way…" said Asuka as they leaned in for a kiss, both inching slowly. When they made contact, she felt as though time stopped and she loved the feeling she got from him. The passion, the gentleness and the compassion he had in it, while he loved her kiss. When they were done, they both opened their eyes and smiled once again.

"Good night…." were the words they said to each other before they fell asleep.

For the next month, they spent time talking and getting to know each other better but in the end they were getting closer…

When one morning came, it seemed to Shinji that maybe there was some hope left in this world, and they didn't care as long as they had each other. They got up calmly and ate breakfast, and got straight down to work for the rest of the day.

At one point, Shinji had to climb a ladder and balance on it in order to begin fixing a hole in the ceiling. He thought he would be okay, so he told Asuka to go ahead and work. That's how he was, stubborn and courageous, just the way she wanted him. However, this courage went too far.

"Asuka I'm almost done!" yelled Shinji as he tried to reach towards the last part of the hole. The place had been almost completed, as he finished the carpeting, building and now finishing the rest of the wall that was destroyed. Anyways, he kept reaching, hoping he could stay balanced while fixing the hole.

"Just a little further…" thought Shinji to himself still trying to reach as far as he could, until he felt weightless. He looked down as time froze; his ladder had leaned to the side too much. Within what seemed seconds to Asuka but minutes to Shinji, Shinji fell to the ground and lied there unconscious in a black abyss. Until…until…

"Shinji, get up! Please get up!"


	5. 4 The Border of Dreams and Reality Pt 1

_Well, this did take some time to write, since I had some things to do and got busy. Well, I hope this turned out well and this is only part one of a **major** event in the story that could lead possibly to few possibilities in the outcome of the story and where it is leading. So please don't forget to tell me what you think, whether good or bad. So to you who review, thanks for the reviews! It's really helped me out even if it doesn't seem like it!_

_Rahhel: Thanks for the awesome review! Glad you like it and I will definitely keep up the story with comedic and romantic scenes while staying true to the tone I'm trying to set. Hopefully this is staying some-what true to the Evangelion tone for storytelling._

_ninetyninenails: thanks for the review and telling me what you liked about the chapter! Thanks also for the idea of how to bring somebody into the story I'll be thinking about either using that or some other way to bring somebody into the story if someone does come into it._

_Frost-Eva-04: Thanks for sticking with me since the first time I posted up this story! you've really helped me out along with the encouragement, hopefully you like this chapter!_

_Okutai: Thanks for the review, who knows if this really is a plot twist or not, can't say but you'll see!_

_Denim88: I wish I could tell you if anyone was coming out of the LCL or not, but hey, we'll see later on! Thanks for the review!_

_RayneSarazaki: I'm really flattered with your review, hopefully you'll like this chapter too! I'll make sure to make this even better than what it has been so far!_

_So, thanks for all the reviews and well, enjoy this chapter!_

Chapter 4: The Border of Dreams and Reality Pt. 1

"Shinji, get up! Please get up!"

His eyes moved a little but still didn't budge open whatsoever while still lying there. He was still floating in the dark abyss wondering where he was and why he recognized such a familiar voice. Why couldn't he remember who it was? It was someone he cared for deeply, he could feel that much, but still, it was at the tip of his tongue but he couldn't place a finger on it. Who?

"Shinji! Please get up!" yelled the familiar voice again with haste and sadness contained inside. His eyes slowly began to open, the light blinding him as the blurs of the colors and objects around him came to vision. Slowly, while he eyes continued to open, his focus started sharpening and the blurs he had seen were slowly forming to shapes. When his eyes came to focus, he couldn't believe what he saw next.

"Shinji, you're okay!" yelled the person sitting next to him in his bed, wrapping her arms around him and holding him tight. He winced in pain that he was feeling as she kept him in a tight embrace, the air starting to slowly come out from him. When he looked down at the person who was hugging him, he could see the purple hair and at once he knew who it was.

_Misato…_

How could he not recognize that voice before? He had heard it before but he couldn't remember it so well, it seemed as if her voice were a distant memory inside of him not meant to be awakened, disturbed by any means necessary. Now, while she sat there and held him, he began asking the questions in his mind with terrible dread and a shocking feeling in his stomach.

"Where am I? What's happening? Where's Asuka?"

These three questions swirled in his mind with speed and rapidity to where he couldn't think, feeling pain immediately shoot into his head like a shot into his arm. As he raised his hands up to his head he felt something foreign there, as if it were something that wasn't meant to belong. Slowly, he traced the contours and lines of this foreign thing and felt that it had wrapped around his head, his fingers trembling along the ridges. He then began to wonder why he had bandages on his forehead. In fact, how was he bandaged?

"Wh-What is going on here? I swore that the Third Impact happened…" was what Shinji was finally able to say, the sensational pain that once was throbbing through his forehead uncontrollably was now gone. Misato let go of him and saw when she let go that his tense body eased up and he winced in pain once more.

"Sorry bout that," began Misato with a nervous smile while putting her arms back onto her lap, "but I was just so happy to see you awake! You've been out for eight days here in the hospital and I was beginning to think you weren't ever going to wake up, because your brain waves were showing no signs of brain activity…" began Misato while the blonde haired lady who stood there immediately followed up on what Misato had said.

"No, the data actually said that he was dreaming to where he wouldn't wake up, meaning he had created his own reality to where he didn't want to leave, escape…" began the blonde-haired doctor who worked at NERV. Her full name was Ritsuko Akagi, in other terms the daughter of the great Dr. Akagi who created the Magi system who had definitely helped during the attacks of the Angels.

"Wait….what do you mean I was out for eight days? I swore that Third Impact had happened…that you all….that you all died because of me!" said Shinji while holding the sweat covered head in his hands while having shocked eyes plastered on his face. This was a dream…only a dream….he had to wake out of it…

"Shinji, you didn't allow Third Impact to happen…" began Misato while she gave Shinji a warm smile to calm him down before she would continue. Shinji saw this smile and quickly felt the anxiety being swept away like a broom was sweeping away dust. He sat there, ready to listen to Misato while she would tell him about it.

"In fact, you destroyed the Evas, SEELE brought to bring hell upon us, and you saved Asuka from dying. You see, you killed all the Evas and destroyed the S2 Engines contained in them with your Eva, and in the end you were able to stop SEELE from continuing its plan. Then, we sent some NERV officials to SEELE and a huge war broke out. Somehow, we were lucky enough to win against them…and before you ask for Asuka, she's in the next room sleeping in a comatose, but sometimes I hear her mutter your name. She'll be out in a few days…" explained Misato with Shinji staring at her in both belief and disbelief. How could all of this be true? Did he really do all of that? He was a coward, one without a spine, and felt worthless to where even in the Eva he felt barely strong enough to beat the Angels. It didn't make sense, none of this did.

He looked around at the room once more, remember how it had always been so plain and white with a window view of Tokyo-3. He saw that the buildings seemed to be ok as if nothing happened. It felt surreal to him, that he had saved this town. He could feel his mind fighting with itself about whether this were the real reality or fake. Sure, he was a coward, but couldn't he have fought because of Asuka? Or is this a way for him to escape reality that his mind made and felt lost until now?

"Well, Shinji, you had a lot of injuries, luckily they weren't that bad. You'll be coming home tomorrow k?" said Misato while Shinji nodded reluctantly, not really caring much whether or not he was. He just wanted to think and ponder the possibilities because it didn't make sense to him about this world and the one he was in that was called his "dreams". She got up and began walking towards the door along with Ritsuko while Shinji stared with blank eyes. Ritsuko had gotten out of the room in a fast pace, Misato was about to step out until…

"Misato…is school back? How's everyone? And my father?" asked Shinji while Misato turned around and had a shocked face. He would ask about his father? They were on bad terms really, and it seemed he had been hurt by his dad not too long ago. Still, you could tell Shinji loved his dad no matter what and that was what Misato respected about Shinji. When she heard him ask, she wished she would've asked about her father too if she were in the state he was in.

"Everyone's ok except for Rei, we don't know where she's at. Other than that, everyone is fine and no one in Tokyo-3 knows about SEELE and everything. You're father is ok and it seemed he made it out without a single scratch on him from the SEELE attack…" said Misato with a smile that was trying to make Shinji happy, only this time it didn't work.

"Has he come to visit me while I was here during these last eight days?" asked Shinji with a curious and a hopeful tone, causing Misato's smile to turn upside down. She didn't want him to ask this, because she knew it was going to hurt him inside. Now, she had no choice but to answer since he asked.

"No, I'm sorry Shinji…" said Misato with a serious tone and immediately the hope that was in Shinji's eyes turned to gloom and sadness. Misato then gave a sigh and looked down with a sad look on her face.

"Shinji…" thought Misato while she watched the poor boy sit their in solidity and sadness. Was it wrong for her to tell the truth? Would a lie have helped him feel happier even though in the end it could hurt more? She had to question herself in this situation; more like she felt like an obligation after seeing that look on his face.

"But hey I'm sure he --," said Misato with a nervous laugh and nervous smile that made Shinji feel the lie she was letting out of her mouth and from her teeth. Before she could continue he felt that he had to stop her from saying that or else he would feel the hope that never turned out to be true.

"He didn't Misato…he was never there for me, never cared for me, why would he now?" said Shinji in his cold, emotionless voice and the emotionless eyes that stared out into the view the windows provided. She could see it, he was running away again; running away from the pain, the sadness, the love and rejection, and keeping himself at a distance so no more pain could be thrown his way. She hated watching this about him, the way he acted when he shelled himself away from it all, because it had reminded her of one person she didn't want to remember. All the memories came flooding back and piercing her already shattered heart and it came in what seemed a few seconds. The person she now saw standing in front of her that looked at her with the same emotionless eyes; herself.

"Damn…" muttered Misato to herself while she stood there in defeat. She cared for him so much and it still pained her to see him like that. She put away all the emotions like as though she were shoving it into the bottle. She turned around to face the outside part of the doorway towards the hallway. Before she left, she turned around once more.

"See you tomorrow Shinji…" she said in a somewhat dulled voice, walking out with the door sliding behind her. Shinji stared out still, and fell into the sea of his thoughts…

"Here I am running away again…have I really changed?" thought Shinji to himself while still staring out into the city. He thought he changed, and he felt it for certain when he was with Asuka in the dream he was in. Now, look at him, he had fled to himself when he heard the words that sent the hot swords into his sides. He didn't want to feel the pain; he wanted to escape it, only to accomplish it by escaping into these thoughts. Once again, he felt the weak, pathetic Shinji creep back like the old times when he was afraid, feared love and rejection. All these contradicting feelings, the life he wanted and yet didn't want, the desires he tried to run away from but needed them, they were coming back to him.

"I can't believe it though…is this real?" he thought while turning his head away from the windows and into the white depth of the room. It was great to see Misato alive along with Ritsuko and NERV back to normal. In fact, it was too great to be real, it had to be this surreal life he pictured, but then again could you rule out the possibility that something good happened to him for once?

Slowly, he lay back down onto the bed, allowing the thin blanket and the bed to take him away into a peaceful slumber, even if it didn't compare to the bed he slept in with Asuka in the dream. With his eyes beginning to show objects as blobs once again, and his thoughts coming to a screeching halt, he let the black abyss take him away once again into peaceful slumber…

When Morning came, he slowly rose and sat up, once again looking out the window. It felt calm, peaceful, as if the world were finally in the state of happiness and bliss, to where it just didn't make sense. Something was itching in the back of his head about the current situation, memories of what happened during the Third Impact had been shreds of memories that were trying to come back, but weren't coming at him. Why? Usually they would come back and plague his mind, his body, his existence and never let him live it down, but for some reason they weren't. It just didn't make sense…

Suddenly, the door to his room opened and the purple haired beauty walked into the doorway. She stood there with a warm smile that he had gotten used to, it was like she was becoming something that he needed and it proved to help him out. Even though he would push her away, she would still try to help him and comfort him when he needed it; she had become like the older sister that he never had.

"Well, Shinji, ready to leave?" asked Misato standing there with her arms crossed around her chest, Shinji giving the genuine smile that rarely shows on his face. He got up slowly and realized something wasn't right, because he caught Misato trying in to hold laughter that was starting to break out.

"Well, well Shinji…I mean I think you're too young and all…" said Misato with an evil and teasing tone in her voice, causing Shinji to wonder. Suddenly he got a feeling that he seemed to catch on, looking at himself and realizing the mistake he just made. He forgot that whenever he's injured and in the NERV hospital…

"Gah! M-M-Misato!" snapped Shinji while retorting back to the covers with him turning so many shades of red that it seemed impossible for someone to turn that many shades. Misato began to laugh to where she couldn't contain himself while Shinji sat there with a little pout on his face.

"Ah, poor Shinji isn't fun…still, Shinji, you're cute when you blush along with when you smile!" snapped Misato while Shinji just sat there with a glare in his eyes. Once again, she had said something he had heard from her two other occasions and he didn't think he was cute, and personally he didn't care…

"Well, Misato, I need you to leave temporarily so I could get dressed, so please can you --," began Shinji with Misato stopping him from finishing, giving a nod and smiling while slowly turning around to go back outside.

"Sure Shinji, why not?" said Misato while she walked out and waited patiently for him outside. She was glad to see him back to normal and actually seemingly changed just a little bit. It made her even smile more when she saw a genuine smile etch upon his face like when he made friends with Kensuke and Touji. She knew that Shinji was going to be happy being able to see his friends alive and well and that he was the savior of them all. It was something that she hoped would make Shinji feel like he had a purpose…

"I love this feeling, for once I feel…this quiet peace I thought I could never attain, achieve, as if the world finally is a place for me to be happy at…" thought Shinji to himself as he put on his last shoe and began to walk out the door. The wound that he supposedly had on his ribs felt completely healed, along with the injury that was somehow dealt to his forehead. Why couldn't he remember it at all?

"You ready to go?" asked Shinji while the door shut behind him while he breathed a sigh of relief; relief that he wouldn't have to stay in that room anymore. It had always been annoying to him with the blandness and the emptiness it brought to him.

"I'm starting to hate this place…" thought Shinji to himself while he had breath the sigh of relief of escaping the place. Misato turned around to her much surprise of finding Shinji right there.

"Yeah I'm ready to go, now as for you…are _you _ready to go?" asked Misato with a somewhat dropping hint that she was hoping he would get. Shinji drew a blank, nodding to her question. Misato just sighed deeply, and began to walk out with Shinji following closely behind her.

"I guess maybe he doesn't like Asuka at all…" thought Misato to herself while staying in front of Shinji, making sure he couldn't see her face at all, "well, I thought that he did because he protected her or fought for her and stuff….not only that, it seemed like he wanted to be there for her no matter what…an-and --,"

"Misato…can I visit Asuka after school today?" asked Shinji while Misato turned around and looked at him with a shocked look. He did remember her, but why not visit her now? The question stayed in her head for a while.

"It's just, for now I want to say hi to Touji and Kensuke…and catch up and stuff…" began the stuttering Shinji, his face beginning to turn red while it seemed he was thinking of Asuka.

"He needed to make an excuse and all so he didn't have to see her just yet…how pathetic." thought Misato while turning back around with a glare that she didn't want him to see. He needed to see her now, because she was sure that it would please Asuka to see him now. Still, she didn't want to argue and force him to do anything he didn't want to do, so she let it slide and took the thought out of her mind.

"Well, I'm sure that everyone's going to be happy that you're back! Who knows, maybe you might get a girl to try and flirt with you or something…" smirked Misato with an evil grin while facing Shinji, who had a troubled look on his face with a tint of red.

"M-Misato! You know that's not going to happen…" said Shinji while Misato wanted to continue teasing him. After all, it had become one of her few favorite pastimes.

"You know, you are cuter than you give yourself credit for, so don't say that!" said Misato while Shinji just gave a glare to the side so he couldn't get her angry.

"I highly doubt it…and cut it out Misato…" said Shinji while Misato turned around and gave a light snicker. Boy, this was more fun than the last few days of renovation and the fact that they had to go through continuous meetings on the post-era of the Angels and SEELE.

They got to the car soon and begin to ride in silence, Misato not knowing what to say nor Shinji since it seemed nothing was really interesting these days. Plus, it seemed like he didn't care, he just wanted to get out of there and she could tell. He was not the type that could stand a hospital nor somewhere that is still somewhat foreign to him. Hell, she was sure she wouldn't have stayed there for the night that she would wake up if she was in comatose.

When they got to her apartment a few minutes later thanks to Misato's speedy and very crazy driving, they stopped with a sudden thud, along with leaving three feet of skid marks.

"Welcome home Shinji…" said Misato while she got out of the car, along with Shinji. He never felt like he would ever love seeing the home he had been in for what seemed the last year now. Still, he couldn't feel any more content at staring at his "home", only starting to see something there replacing that, and it made him open his eyes in dread. There, in the distance where the apartment was located, he was seeing something so familiar that only seemed to be a fragment of his memories. It was a wall that had been completely renewed, with two windows that replaced the doorway. He shook his head in disbelief, closing his eyes at the spot. When he opened his eyes, it was gone and he felt a wave of relief come to him. Why was he so afraid of remembering that? Or was it remembering something? Couldn't it be something he created out of his own mind? He stood there trembling with fear…the feeling of surrealism spread over him once again while he looked around the area…it just didn't make sense but he wanted it too….he needed it too…he…

"Shinji, are you coming or not? You need to get ready for school if you're going today!" snapped a voice that was from a distance; shaking Shinji from the daze he was in. He looked up at the stairway seeing Misato with her hands cupping around her mouth, signaling that she was yelling for him after all. With his emotionless eyes sweeping over his face, he began jogging to the stairway while Misato continued walking up the stairway.

Within five minutes, Shinji walked into the apartment and looked around, seeing that nothing had changed, except for the fact that there were plenty of beer cans lying around…

"Sheesh, Misato's on a drinking streak again…" thought Shinji while surveying the living room; sighing at the fact that he had a feeling he would be cleaning it up after he was done visiting Asuka.

"Shinji, go get changed into a clean school uniform and get going! I need to get you there so you won't be that late…" yelled Misato from her room, causing Shinji to just walk into his room and begin getting dressed.

"Here we go again…" thought Shinji as he was putting on some new pants, feeling the boringness of routine and simplicity that life seemed to contain. Hell, he was happy that now he didn't have to worry about trying to fend for survival, but the simplicity and the routines of normal life also pained him too. It was as if life weren't exciting, not meant to live for since you did the same thing every day no matter how much you try and deny to yourself that something interesting would come along. There would be something maybe once in a while, but did it last? No, it left you as soon as it came and back into the world of routine did you fall into. With one last look back into his room, he closed the door behind him, the sign "Lovely Suite" still hung on the door. He ran out the door and heard the car going.

"C'mon Shinji, we don't have all day!" yelled the once again distant Misato while Shinji stared down at her. He closed the door behind him and heard a lock automatically click, saying that the apartment was locked. He ran down the stairs to get to the car, waiting with excitement to see his friends once again and catch up. Sure, between him and Misato there was really nothing to catch up on, he assumed three things that he knew was right; she drank a lot, probably just trashed the house (both which he had just seen with his own eyes) and just work. The car stayed silent that day because both didn't know what to say because neither could figure out what to talk about besides the "SEELE-NERV" conflict, but Misato didn't want to bring it up since she didn't want Shinji to get angry or sad. After all, it was his day to have fun!

When he got to school, he told her thanks and walked off with a wave, while Kensuke and Touji hung out the window and were watching Misato. Shinji saw them both and figured that would happen, still walking as if nothing happened.

"She's so hot! I can't believe it, Asuka definitely has competition in my books!" snapped Kensuke while watching the film of Misato smiling and waving to the camera, Touji just standing there looking outside.

"Misato is in competition with the red-haired devil? C'mon Kensuke, Misato is way better than Asuka. Hell, at least she won't kick in the groin…" snapped Touji while crossing his arms around his chest.

"Although Asuka is feisty, we really don't know how Misato is when she's at home by herself…" said Kensuke while still smiling and still focusing on the film he recorded.

"She gets drunk a lot, messy, stubborn, I thought I told you that already…and she doesn't kick anyone in the groin unless she has too…" said a voice trailing from behind Kensuke and Touji, causing them to flinch and turn around, seeing Shinji stand there with a calm look.

"Shinji! Hey, you're back and in one piece might I add!" said Kensuke while wrapping an arm around Shinji's shoulder, Shinji looking at his arm with a "what the hell" look.

"Yeah, we thought with the way you were destroying those EVAS and wherever you destroyed that you wouldn't stay in one piece…" snapped Touji while walking up to Shinji to meet him face-to-face.

"Yeah well, I guess I got lucky…" said Shinji with the same look as before, seemingly being emotionless to everything. He would be happy and laughing at a time like this if only he remembered it all, but sadly all he could do was draw blanks.

"Well, at least you saved us all." said Kensuke, adjusting his glasses since they were falling off of his face.

"So, how's Asuka doing?" asked Touji with a hint of a little blush, Shinji just looking up with a normal look.

"She's in the hospital at NERV, so she's fine for now…" said Shinji while both Kensuke's and Touji's eyes opened in shock. Shinji looked at them with bewilderment, what was so shocking about that?

"Y-Y-You mean that you get Misato to yourself!" snapped Kensuke and Touji both in perfect synch, causing Shinji to flinch at how well they said that statement together.

"I guess so…I mean it's nothing big to me…" said Shinji while Kensuke and Touji both looked at each other with the shock and gleam still in their eyes.

"Our little Shinji here hasn't grown up yet, I mean to think he would figure out that he has a hot babe like Misato at home to himself…sheesh…" said Kensuke with a tone of sarcasm in his voice.

"Yeah, we would of figured that you would of known by now what we mean…I mean --," began Touji until he heard another voice he wish he didn't have to hear call him, along with his ear being pulled.

"Suzahara, you're staying after school and working on the flowers again!" snapped the class representative, Horaki Hikari.

"Y-Yes ma'am!" said Touji with an even bigger blush on his face while being dragged out. It seemed more of a blush from embarrassment than liking someone.

"Heh heh, he'll never learn will he?" said Kensuke while Shinji stood there in a daze once again, until he figured out what he was going to ask.

"Hey? Do you know how Touji's sister is doing?" asked Shinji while Kensuke looked at him with now a normal look.

"Yeah, she's finally healed to where she's back home. She even came and visited you once with us when you were in the hospital." said Kensuke with calmness Shinji had been waiting for and a shrug of the shoulders.

"You guys were allowed into NERV?" asked Shinji with shock while Kensuke nodded back as a reply.

"Misato said she'd only allow it one time, so we waited for Touji's sister to get well and that's when we visited you. As for the others that wanted to visit you, they weren't so lucky." said Kensuke with a smile, causing Shinji's spirit to rise to where he smiled back. All of a sudden Kensuke pointed at Shinji's desk with Shinji looking at it, his eyes immediately filling with shock. He flinched at the sight and just stared for a while longer.

"What's up with my desk?" asked Shinji in a panic, Kensuke just standing there acting like he was cool and calm about it.

"Like I said, the others who wanted to visit you weren't so lucky…so they put the letters and stuff they wanted to give to you in your desk…" said Kensuke while walking back to his desk. Shinji still stood there with shock at the overstuffed desk of letters and cards. Today was going to be a long day…


	6. 5 The Border of Dreams and Reality Pt 2

_Here you guys go! It's Part 2 of the mini-arch of "The Borders of Dreams and Reality" hopefully it's good. I understand that I went to the EVA style of writing, and once again I did, but I will return to hopefully my own sense of style of writing without having to write the story like this, although I did try and stay true to how I write. Anyway, I did some research on EVA while writing this, finding out the psychological things and religious symbolics in this show and found this show more interesting with more research. Also, the whole Asuka x Shinji pairing works as they do both like each other, but to find that out you have to watch ep. 22 of the Director's Cut version to understand what I'm getting at. Well, enough of me rambling..._

_Rayne Sarazaki: Thanks for liking this fan fiction, hopefully you'll like this chapter too. Not going to say whether Asuka and Shinji will be the only ones alive, but you never now. I will return to my own style of storytelling soon, but once again not saying when..._

_Okutai: Well, I guess you could think that, just wait until you read this chapter to draw that conclusion, you'll see why this was in the story._

_Denim88: Well, I can't tell you right now if that was a dream or not, since this'll answer everything for you about it, and hopefully it's deep, but maybe not as deep as you might think. But it'll really affect the plot to some extent for the latter half of this story_

_ninetyninenails: Glad you liked it, Rei will be in here, but won't affect the story. If it disappoints you sorry about that, she might play a role later on in the story, but no guarantees on my end._

_Rahhel: Well, thanks for the liking and reading the chapter, Asuka will play a major point in affecting this chapter, that much I can say. Well, hope you enjoy this chapter!_

_bigguy1234: Thanks for the encouragement, hope you like this one as well!_

_Well, this one is probably my longest chapter for this story, but hopefully you enjoy! Well, on with the story!_

_Oh right, one more thing..._

_is Shinji talking to himself along with_

_"..." being the same, but you'll see shortly what I mean..._

Chapter 5: The Borders of Dreams and Reality Pt. 2

_Today was going to be a long day…_

It really had been one, with all the letters just taking up all day to where he couldn't even focus in class. It seemed that everyone did miss him, but why? No one really talked to him in class nor seemed to know him at all, and yet for some reason they had done this all for him? Even during lunch girls would come up to him and try to talk to him, but he would never seem interested in any of them. It seemed that no matter how much everyone tried to talk to him, all the girls trying to get to know him, he only had one person on his mind that he couldn't shake off…

_Asuka…_

He wanted to see her and he felt as if he needed to see her. If that was a dream, then everything that happened between him and Asuka would be fake right? Or was this a dream? Everything seemed to become confusing to him with every passing second. Suddenly, those once dull memories that he thought would plague him became bigger and somewhat bugging him to nearly beginning to feel the stages of insanity. When it happened, during the last half of the school day, his head felt like a weight had smashed into it to where he held his forehead in his hands, trying to drive the memory away. Damn, if only those memories could go away, but why were they bugging him now and not at the beginning? Suddenly, he felt a hand touch his shoulder that immediately shook him out of the thoughts and caused him to flinch and jump.

"Shinji, you okay? School is over you know…" said the familiar voice while he looked and met with a face that Shinji had known very well.

"Kensuke, sorry about that I'm fine, and thanks, I'll leave soon…you don't have to wait…" said Shinji while Kensuke fixed his glasses to settle onto his face.

"I'll catch you tomorrow then Shinji, right now my dad might have some more military stuff for me to look at!" said Kensuke while walking off, taking his bag off of the ground and leaving the room, leaving Shinji all alone by himself in the class. Slowly, he got up and walked out of the class, closing the door behind him. With a sigh, he left the school premises, walking to NERV to check on Asuka…and hopefully settle everything that had been going on in his mind.

"I need to know if it was real or not…but then…I'm not sure I want to know…" he thought to himself, the conflicting feelings and thoughts continued to destroy his mind, his ego and everything he wanted to change inside. He was scared and yet wanted to see her too, but this time, could he get himself to do it? Sure, he could walk towards NERV, but that didn't mean he had to visit her.

"I know that no matter how much I try to draw myself away from this realization and try to run away, I can't deny the one thing that I had realized when I was with Asuka…" began to think Shinji as he continued walking, his body seemingly on auto-pilot with a crash-course to NERV.

"_I…do love her…"_

He came to realize that he couldn't live without her in that month that he had "spent" with her, that the harsh reality of it all was that he had loved her, and fell for her so long ago to where he didn't know how to react, how to feel, or do when it seemed she liked him and didn't like him. He couldn't read into any emotions or take the bait into any hints she gave him, because he rejected affection, touch of another human being, because in the end it only led to one road for him; rejection.

He couldn't get himself near anyone because of his father, the way he abandoned him, the way he killed his mother with him watching his mother in the EVA. He didn't want to remember that, he didn't want his father to leave him, and whenever he piloted it EVA it was to bear acceptance from his father and to prove to himself that he had a reason to exist, along with somewhat trying to gain acceptance from one other person; Asuka. He pushed himself at lengths and gave off this feeling of "god-given natural talent" for the EVA, but it was a drive in himself that caused him to fight with EVA no matter what the circumstances were. Instead, it caused him to inflict harm, hurt others because of the complexities inside of himself.

When it was all over, the burden weighed the same in that "dream", but instead he found here a second chance, a different sense of rebirth and hope. He loved that he was a savior in the end and kept humanity from feeling the blows of his sin, his shame, and his fears. Still, he couldn't help but feel that no matter what he tried to force himself to believe, that for some reason this wasn't real, that this wasn't true.

With all these thoughts and ideals going through his mind, he hadn't noticed that he had gotten to NERV until he shook out of it all and looked at the entrance, taking a second of hesitation to decide whether or not this was right to him. Would he run away and be the cowardice self he thought he changed from, or this time, would he truly change and go to where there is a possibility of pain and yet at the same time affection?

Slowly, he slid his card into the way to get into NERV, gaining access into the compound. When he entered, he still felt the barren emptiness and coldness the hallways displayed. He didn't like it, he always hated it, but because of EVA he had gotten used to it. Now, he didn't like it and he knew the only reason why he would go through here was if he was told to or to visit Asuka. With a deep sigh he began to walk towards his destination; the room that contained his love.

When he got in there, he could see her lying there asleep, it seemed she deserved it after all of the things that she had been going through. With a calm smile, he walked over to her lying form and found a chair next to it, taking a seat and just sitting there to where he didn't seem to touch her even though he wanted to. He didn't know how she felt or would react to his touch here since in the other he knew she felt for him the same way he felt for her.

"Asuka," began Shinji with a slight quiver of nervousness in his voice, "I'm glad to at least see you're ok. Even though you're here in this condition…" she didn't budge or move at all.

"I wish you could hear me right now, but I don't know, maybe you can or can't, but I need you to know that well…I don't know how to say it…in fact I'm scared to say it to you, because who knows what could happen if I told you this. You could wake up and reject me, or do the opposite of just that. Or-or-or, you could even not wake up and never remember me telling you this…but I can't run away, I mustn't run away from it." He continued on falling into a sense to where he couldn't stop no matter how much he tried. She still lied there motionless, Shinji not bother to pay attention or care.

"Asuka…I love you, I wish you could know that…in fact, I wish you could hear me, but you can't…so I hope you get well, I just hope that I can hear your voice once again, I wish that you could call me "stupid" or whatever, anything to tell me your hear, that you're ok…" began Shinji, slowly waiting for a response as he turned to look at her. To his avail, no sense of hearing or reaction came to the lying shape of Asuka. Shinji slowly got up and began walking towards the door.

"Goodbye, Asuka…," said Shinji while the door slid open in front of him, walking out the door until he heard a soft moan and turned around, seeing Asuka turning around to face him but still asleep.

"Shinji," said Asuka with Shinji's eyes opening in shock, "why are you running away?" was what he heard her say, before she rotated once again to face her back towards him. He felt frozen at the words she just said, his eyes open in shock and fear at what she had just said.

"_Why are you running away…"_

"_Why are you running away?"_

The words plagued his mind like a disease that spreads quickly, causing him to stand there shaking in dread and sadness. Was he really running away from reality? Was this really reality? Or was it his mind creating a world that he wanted to use as a leeway to escape from all of the pain that he felt from the Third Impact? He shook it off and walked out, closing the door behind him with his head drooped down and his walk staggering. It was bugging him, and the words speared him into the heart. He continued walking, even bumping into someone along the way.

"What the --? Shinji, are you okay? Shinji!" said the person he bumped into, noticing no reaction from this robotic Shinji who kept going forward with this feeling of gloom over him.

"Shinji, I'm talking to you, listen to me!" snapped the voice of the person, Shinji finally hearing the voice and turning around, only to face the blonde-haired girl that was also in his room while he was in a coma.

"Ri-Ritsuko? Sorry bout that…" said Shinji in his usual wimpish tone, Ritsuko ignoring the tone and continued to try and make a conversation with him.

"Did you just visit Asuka?" asked Ritsuko while smiling at him, receiving back no smile from the boy in front of her.

"Yeah, she's still asleep I guess or maybe in a coma, I guess but it's ok…" stated Shinji while Ritsuko looked back down at her paperwork and glanced back at him.

"Well, my work says she'll be out for a while, probably until tomorrow or the next day…," began Ritsuko, only to see what little hope that Shinji bore for her to get out of was now slowly diminishing. She continued on to get to her main point, "also, I bumped the synch tests with the EVAS for you and Rei to be tomorrow, understood?" Shinji gave a quick nod, Ristuko turning around quickly and beginning to slowly walk away.

"Well, see you tomorrow then, and tell Misato I said hi ok? Thanks!" she said as she continued to walk off, her head deep into her work, Shinji standing there with a cold and emotionless face. Then he started to remember the reasons why he would've started Third Impact if he did, if this wasn't reality; because he felt as if no one cared for him. Then again, he shook it off and thought to himself, realizing that someone did care for him. Misato did, and she showed this in many ways, but he denied it to himself because he only seemed to be good for piloting EVA, and instead now she was even showing that she cared for him after the coma, and he was glad.

"I know I'll feel as if there are others out there that won't care for me, but some do, or so they present themselves too, isn't that enough to also verify that I exist? That I too am a human like the others, that I have a purpose to live this somewhat hated life?" he thought to himself while he walked out of the NERV complex and began walking home, the orange sun and the beautiful horizon that displayed the majestic colors of yellow, orange and purple that seemed to give him this glow of sort. Still, he didn't pay attention to that, as everything seemed to be spiraling to many different conclusions here.

When he got to the apartment, he found no one was there, probably meaning Misato was either drunk or was at work. Taking his shoes off at the front door, he proceeded to his room, opening and shutting the door behind him. He went to his bed and lied down, playing the S-DAT while putting the earphones into his ears. Once again, he let himself slip out of the depths of this world and plunged into the darkness of his mind.

"Is this real? I mean, it feels real but in a sense makes me feel empty. It's good, it's perfect and I feel safe, but at the same time a loss and sadness that nothing else can take away from me…it's as if they live only by what I had hoped they would become…but can't a person be accepted still and have a dream just simply come true?" thought Shinji while he sat there, in the dark abyss of his mind while the music began to soothe him slowly.

"This…has…got to be real…" he thought as he fell into a peaceful slumber. Slowly, his dreams felt peaceful and calm, unlike the dreams he had before; dreams of abandonment, sorrow, anger, hate, betrayal, anxiety. All of that was just the sum of the results of what happened from his dreams. Instead, it was of him and Asuka together, sitting on a grassy hill while staring into the starry night. With each of them having one hand intertwined with the other's, they sat close to where she leaned her head on his shoulder while he rested his head on top of hers. The town seemed to be prosperous and the pool of LCL wasn't as disturbing with the deformed head of Ayanami in it, since they both had gotten used to it.

"This is great, this is heaven, with her…" thought Shinji while he took a look at her, admiring the red-haired, sapphire-eyed beauty that had a smile that had only been shown ever since they opened up to one another.

"Shinji…I'm glad to be here with you…" said Asuka while Shinji just replied with a blissful, "yeah" as a response. However, sometimes dreams that seemed good at the beginning have a nightmarish end.

"But still Shinji…you're running away again…you're leaving me here to die…remember your promise…" muttered Asuka as her hair covered her eyes with her head drooped. Before Shinji could catch a glimpse of the girl next to him, he awoke with sweat running down his face and shot up, gasping for breath and his eyes were open with fear and dread. What was going on? Why was she always saying why are you running away? He got up slowly and grabbed a pair of clothing to get dressed in after a shower.

"This is weird…something's going on, but what?" thought Shinji while he got out of the shower and quickly put on clothes. He got out of the bathroom quickly, making breakfast and feeding Pen-pen, who was happy to be fed since last night it seemed Misato forgot to feed him. Within ten minutes of cooking, he was done, having fish, toast and eggs done. With the intoxicating smell of the food, out came Misato who's hair was completely a mess and her eyes sagging from what seemed lack of sleep…or rather the over indulgence in booze.

"Ohayo, Shinji…" said Misato with a yawn, sitting at the table and seeing a plate in front of her, taking the fork and was about to take a bite until…

"Right, I forgot…" mumbled Misato while she went to the fridge and grabbed a beer, opening it immediately and taking a swig, her eyes shooting open as if she had instantly came to life.

"AAAH! That's some good stuff!" said Misato with a happiness in her voice. Shinji just gave a stare and just set his plate down at the table to eat.

"Figures with the way Misato is…" thought Shinji to himself as he slowly began eating his food, the silence overbearing it seemed for ten minutes until Misato seemed to have something pop up into her head.

"OH! You don't have to go to school today, because we want to get the synch test done early today. It's a way of seeing how well you can cope with having to get up early and fight an enemy or something…" said Misato with a yawn, chugging down her beer a little to reawake herself. Shinji sat there eating, not responding in any way to what Misato just said.

"…" was all that really came out of Shinji's mouth, eating and focusing solely on what he needed to focus on; everything that had been happening in this short period of time. It seemed that no matter what he did or thought about, they all led to Asuka and the one puzzling saying…

"_Why are you running away?"_

His eyes were empty, blank, as if he had no life in him, but then again he had been like that a lot. However, it seemed this time it was more apparent, more susceptible to the naked eye of others, meaning Misato caught onto Shinji quickly while she stared into his eyes, him not noticing her at all.

"Shinji," began Misato while she stared at him and moved her head closer to his to stare into his eyes. It finally took a while for him to notice, his eyes coming back to life and locking gazes with her, having a late reaction he jumped back.

"W-W-What the hell Misato?" snapped Shinji while Misato went back to her normal sitting position, giving him a puzzling and yet concerned look.

"Well, something seems to be bugging you Shinji, what is it?" asked Misato while Shinji stared at her with a bewildered look, then averting to his cold emotionless eyes that she had grown well accustomed to.

"It's nothing Misato…I'm fine…" said Shinji while he averted his gaze to look away from her. She sat there with a look of rejection, her gaze averting to the other side.

"Here we go again Shinji, you're running away from me, but why?" thought Misato while she looked at a watch she had on, her eyes opening in shock.

"Damn it! Are you serious!" snapped Misato while Shinji looked back at her with yet another weird and perplexed look. She jumped up immediately and began getting dressed into her normal NERV outfit.

"What is it Misato?" asked Shinji with a confused tone to match his look, he could literally hear her fumbling around and cursing under her breath. What could get her so worked up?

"We're late Shinji! You were supposed to be there five minutes ago! Just put the plates on the counter or…or…give them to Pen-pen or something! I don't care, just we got to get going NOW!" said Misato in a rush and rambling that Shinji barely understood, scraping the remains of his half-eaten breakfast into Pen-pen's bowl, who ate it with a satisfied look.

"Ok Misato, we can go --." began Shinji, immediately stopping at the sudden grab of his wrist and the feeling of being weightless in the air as Misato took him and ran with him towards the car. Within less than half a minute, they were in the car, and in under five minutes, a fifteen minute drive was completed and at NERV.

Ritsuko slowly stood there, watching her watch and her lick moving up and down in a agitated sense. All of a sudden, a purple-haired girl who's hair seemed completely annihilated by the wind walked in with a glare on her face.

"What the hell happened to you Misato?" asked Ritsuko, not knowing that she set off a nerve in Misato as Misato got ready to blow up, but instead not and toning it down.

"Let's just say I hate this new morning synch test…" said Misato while she walked over to the window to screen that would view the pilots when in the tubes.

"Well, is Shinji here at least?" asked Ritsuko that got a nod from Misato as a reply, Ritsuko sighing with relief as she awaited to see what would happen in this morning's synch test.

**NERV Testing Room: Room to wait to enter the Test Entry Plugs**

Shinji had gotten to the locker room and put on his plug suit on in no time, standing there awaiting to go to enter the test entry plug. He was anxious to get this over with, so he could go and visit Asuka.

"You may now go to the test entry plug, Ayanami and Shinji, let's get this over with quickly." said Misato over the overcome with an annoyed tone that Shinji understood why it was so.

They both walked silently towards their entry plugs, entering in and sitting down into the pilot's seat. Within seconds the test had begun.

"Focus on EVA, focus on EVA…" thought Shinji while he sat there, his eyes closed and he worked as hard as he could to focus all thoughts on EVA, but was failing no matter how much he tried, it seemed that his mind couldn't let go of the fact that this wasn't right. Why would he need to pilot EVA if SEELE was destroyed? Why did he not feel the way he had before, as if he already had a purpose of existence that didn't have to deal with EVA? Suddenly, those memories that had attacked him before now became nearly complete, attacking Shinji and making his head delirious, his thoughts moving around in rapid movement. The plug began to feel like it was shaking to him, and everything didn't make sense anymore.

"Ok you guys, the test is over, you may now get out of the test tubes…we don't need to discuss the results today, so take the day off, relax. Good work guys…sorta…" said Misato in the intercom as Shinji and Rei got out of their respective test entry plugs, going to go and get changed.

"I'm sure I did bad on the test, or else it wouldn't have ended so quickly." Thought Shinji while taking off the plug suit, taking a quick shower and then putting back on his normal clothes.

"It felt weird, as if I couldn't also connect to the EVA no matter how much I tried, it was as if…I've lost it…and that doesn't make sense…usually I could connect with it at ease…but today I couldn't…" he began to question himself in his own mind, walking and leaving without telling Misato anything, going to Asuka's room to see how she was doing. Not only was he doing that, he was going to see if she was awake so he could settle this all; the dreams, the thoughts, the words, everything.

Sure enough, she was awake, and instead of looking at him with a smile she continued to ignore him and stare out into the bright sunny morning that shone brilliantly on Tokyo-3.

"Asuka, you're awake!" said Shinji has he felt happy for once, that something great was actually happening. Instead, it was actually going to be worse than what he thought.

"What of it Third Child? Why do you care?" snapped Asuka in an annoyed tone in her voice, causing Shinji to flinch and stop dead in his tracks. Something wasn't right here, it didn't make sense.

"Wha-but Asuka, I'm just glad you're ok, I mean I need to tell you that…" began Shinji, only to be interrupted by Asuka.

"Tell me what? That you love me? Care for me," began Asuka while Shinji stood there with his eyes open in shock, the feeling starting to become eerie in the room, "I guess I knew what you were saying, and no you don't, you really don't give a damn about me Third Child. The kiss we had proved it to me…"

"You mean, the one were you held my nose and kissed me to pass the time? I thought it meant nothing to you!" said Shinji while she looked at him with hurt and anger in her eyes. He could only feel spears piercing through his heart with every glare and word spoken, only knowing it would get worse.

"I was hoping you would actually…nevermind, the kiss meant nothing Shinji…and it never will, I don't need anyone." She said while staring at him with a deep glare that made Shinji take a step back.

"Asuka, why won't you believe me? Why are you saying you don't need anyone? Damn it, it doesn't make sense anymore!" snapped Shinji while his head drooped down, Asuka just watching him with the same glare.

"You don't love me Shinji, you don't. You think you do, but you don't, and I don't. So just get out of here. I don't need anyone that runs away from everything, and to think, you --," began Asuka while Shinji immediately cut her off and faced her with tears.

"What am I running away from! What am I doing that is making you say I'm running away? I want to protect you, care for you, but you push me away and you keep a barrier away from me! But I can't protect you, I can't really be running away, because you won't tell me!" snapped Shinji while she just sat there, turning away from looking at him, this pathetic boy that she only saw that was causing her trouble.

"Just get out Shinji, you're running away from it all, leaving me to die…and you don't know or seem to care…you need to figure this out on your own…" said Asuka while Shinji looked at her and slowly began to walk off, trying to figure out what she meant. This couldn't be right, this was her normal self, but with more anger, more emotion right? But then that means that nothing happened between them, but he wanted something too. What was going on, now he was starting to feel something wrong about this place, but he couldn't place a finger on it.

The rest of the day was only the simple boring routine of staying at home, eating, and then there was playing the cello. Slowly he took it out as to be careful not to damage it. When it was out, he slowly began to play, playing as the true memories finally began to show up fully into his mind. Still, he continued to play, not allowing the memories to affect him as much anymore. When he was done, it was night time, and Misato wasn't even home yet.

"She's out drinking again…" thought Shinji as he ordered take out, cooking food for Pen-pen and eating his in solitude. Things seemed so empty, barren in this apartment that only contained himself. He didn't like the feeling of this, how it was just him and no one else, how Asuka was in the hospital and cut him down without any sympathy, how Misato wasn't really around as much except at NERV. Then he realized a strange coincidence to this feeling; it represented what he was like before Third Impact, alone and never going near anyone because of fear of rejection, and now it was happening again.

He went to bed with the full realization and thinking that this wasn't reality anymore, that this was fake, that something created it or it was somewhere, but why. Listening to his S-DAT player, he looked at the words that Asuka had told him only a while ago today.

"_Why are you running away?"_

"I – Why am I running away?" snapped Shinji as he fell into a different place in his mind, he saw the familiar scene; riding a train with someone sitting in front of him…his own self…

"Why am I running away?" asked Shinji to himself while sitting there with his head dropped down, his shoulders trembling a little.

"**You wish to run away from reality, to get away from the pain of death and everyone around you is dead, except for the girl that you love…"**

"But why? Why do I want to run away from there, I loved it there when I was with her…"

"**You made yourself believe that, except your perception of reality was really that it was bad and you wanted to escape so you created this place in your mind to escape the pain, escape from the world and have everyone here that was killed because of Third Impact." **

"What do you mean? That although I was okay with it I still perceived it as bad in my mind, that my idea of the situation never changed although I was open to Asuka, feeling that everything was going to be okay?"

"**You still perceived it as a place that only was hell for you and her, so you fled to your mind, when you fell, you could've returned back but instead fell to here, this realm of your mind. This is the world you wish came to be but never did because of your actions, that is a consequence that you must bear."**

"And I don't want to bear the consequences, I don't want to have to see anyone suffer for my actions like they did…Damn it, Asuka's right, I'm nothing but a coward, one who runs away from things and mistakes that I make. I've become this person that wants to deny reality because it only sheds hurt and suffering…and worst of all…I left her there…"

"**You have to learn that although reality can be perceived as what it shows, such as here it shows that it is a great life, that nothing is wrong as to where the true reality shows only pain but some happiness, reality can be perceived the opposite way of what it bears. This world, although it seems good, still gave you pain, you were truly alone and no one seemed to care for you as much except at NERV, whereas in reality, you have someone who cares for you and wants you to live with them. Reality can be perceived hundreds of ways, or even many more. Even the slightest action can be interpreted in different ways of why it happened, what the reality of it is. You chose that because it seems good here that reality is great, only to learn that it really isn't and the other isn't as bad anymore."**

"I don't understand, then that means I can truly perceive anything as something else than what it shows in front of me?"

"**Yes, like let's say something bad happens, reality seems to point that something bad is happening, but it could lead to something good happening later on. Or vice-versa, it never has one absolute perception, nor one true point about it. However there is one true absolute perception of reality that no one can deny."**

"…"

"**That we live and we die, that we begin dying when we first are born and alive. However, after we die, that is left to interpretation to religion, people, beliefs, customs, spawning hundreds of ideas of what reality is like when we die. Some believe in heaven or hell, some believe in rebirth, others believe that we become stars, gods, it's solely perception of the reality of life."**

"So I can chose my interpretation of the situation, I don't have to rely on what is happening to create my opinion, my view? I understand, although something may seem bad it can actually be good. That's why I felt a sense of happiness with Asuka in reality whereas here I still felt loneliness. I can perceive it in the way I choose to, want to, let my own opinions form of the situation."

"Shinji, I hope you can wake up, I need you here! Please" began the familiar voice that only scolded him and hurt him so long ago.

"Unh…" began Shinji while his eyes slowly began to open, seeing the red-haired, sapphired-eye beauty sitting next to him with tears in her eyes.

"A…Asuka…" began Shinji while his eyes were halfway open and he smiled at her, causing her to smile in relief. All the worry, the trouble that he inflicted upon her seemed to wash away for good.

"Don't ever do that again to me stupid…" she said as she immediately wrapped her arms around his neck, crying as he held her in his arms smiling.

"I'm sorry Asuka…I won't leave you again…" said Shinji while he held her in his arms, the sobbing continued as tonight he learned that he was truly the creator of his own destiny…


	7. 6 The Rain That Washed Barriers Away

**Wow...it's been a long time. I'm deeply sorry for not getting you this in awhile...I've been busy with theatre lately and so I've lost ideas, especially when "Forget Me, Let Me Go" became popular. I wanna thank all the readers who read this story (or used to) and read that one, you've kept my love for writing to keep going on, like a flame that never dies. And at one point, I thought of discontinuing this, but then realized how bad that woudl be for the readers. So, although somewhat of a typical cliche type of filler/advancing chapter for the story, hopefully it'll satisfy you until a possible Christmas chapter. I have an idea that might work, but might not.**

**But for now, enjoying this long and overdue chapter of ths story...**

* * *

"_I'm sorry Asuka…I won't leave you again…" said Shinji while he held her in his arms, the sobbing continued as tonight he learned that he was truly the creator of his own destiny…_

Chapter 7: Rain That Washed Barriers Away

The last few days had been so different than that of the past after Third Impact that it seemed the past had never happened. They had been closer than ever before, grasping the idea that one person could be gone and dead the day they least expect it, so to live it like it's your last had been the idea you would say. It had been great to him, made him feel more alive than he had before. It made him regret every second he spent in that stupid reality he created. Now, he felt like he could live everyday and make sure that Asuka would be okay, that he could finally prove his love and not look at the circumstances but to embrace the possible future he has. Even still, it seemed he was falling for Asuka more and more, as if he was starting to realize what life would be like without her. He remembered the sinking feeling in his pit when she called him the "Third Child" once again and realized that if it would be like this, then he would feel like he was dead on the inside, hollow like nothing but a shell that could never exist.

"Now that I think about it, I couldn't live without her, she's become this part of me I can never let go of, no matter how the world seems…" thought Shinji, sitting on the ground next to a piece of wood and watching Asuka from afar, who was working on some vegetables. She had this bright glow for the last few days he could never understand, that somehow she had changed drastically for the better.

"She's become this different person, and it seems somewhat for the better," thought Shinji, staring up into the air and getting lost in thought, "but then, sometimes I wouldn't mind the teasing she would do or anything." Asuka saw him sitting there and gave a teasing grin towards him.

"Hey baka, don't forget we have work to do! After all, this place isn't gonna restore itself, sheesh after all the hard work…" began Asuka with the mumbling while she got back to work, Shinji smiling while he welcomed this type of talk from her.

"She's back to normal…somewhat…" thought Shinji to himself while he got up and began to work on salvaging nuts on the ground to grow some trees and to also pull some debris out of the area. Too many things to remind him of the sin committed in the past that he could never forgive himself, even if he's found some light left in the darkness. Still, he continued to work hard that day, knowing that as long as he had Asuka with him, nothing would cause him to feel depressed and gone again.

When the night came, they both were tired out to really want to fall asleep. When they went to bed, Asuka snuggled closely to Shinji to where he felt her pushing herself onto herself. He didn't care though, wrapping his arms around her lovingly and in a way that meant he would never leave her again. She rested her head on his shoulder, both feeling warm in the embrace of the other.

"Shinji…" said Asuka while Shinji looked at her with a curious look on his face.

"What is it Asuka?"

"How long do you think we're going to survive here?" asked Asuka with a look up towards the ceiling, Shinji looking back up towards it too.

"What's it matter, as long as we're here now, trying to survive right?" said Shinji with a look back at her with a look that said "We'll survive" but Asuka didn't feel assured.

"No Shinji, I'm scared that we're not going to live much longer and…" began Asuka, interrupted by a kiss from Shinji which shocked her instantly. Somehow it made her feel a little more comforted than before, and she couldn't help but kiss him back. Ever since he had been "gone" for that time, she realized that he was more precious to him than she could ever let on, and now she had a vow to live to. To show what he meant to her every day because she realized that every day could possibly be your last. So for her, it seemed that the feelings that she had for Shinji soared higher than ever before, and that she would live to be with him and work hard to survive this world that gives grim hope and optimism.

When the kiss stopped, Shinji smiled at her with this smile that would always make Asuka blush. It had never changed, it was the true genuine smile of his that was rare to see, and whenever she saw it, it would make her feel embarrassed that he had only shown her and her alone but at the same time flattered.

"Asuka, we'll make it, we'll keep going on and live out our lives. We're young and we can make it. So don't feel this way k? Look towards the future where we're alive and prospering, and humanity could possibly begin again." Said Shinji with that same smile, causing Asuka to smile back because she felt warm and safe now, like he would make sure they would still be alive. She kissed him back, but longer and with more passion that sent shivers down her spine and his spine.

When it was done and gone, she couldn't help but smile the same way once again, something that made Shinji feel different inside.

"She's actually beautiful when she does that, in fact, it makes her feel more real and open to me…" thought Shinji while he wrapped his arms tighter around her.

"Asuka, we'll have to get up early in the morning and keep working k? We'll make it out alive, I promise you that." Said Shinji while she snuggled her head into his chest.

"Ok Shinji, we will." Said Asuka while falling asleep silently, Shinji following soon behind her to fall into that peaceful place of slumber.

The next few days though, things got a little bit interesting for the both of them. For one, Shinji had not only been working on the place they were at now, but he would leave off for a couple of hours to somewhere he would not say while Asuka would work on the field of food that would be eaten later on. However, what she would do is secretly work on another ration in another spot so that they would have more food that would last them longer.

When the afternoon would come he would just come back with dust on his clothes or sweat. As for Asuka, she kept working on the food needed to sustain the life they had. It seemed that for once, life would be giving them a chance to live peacefully with no problems, no regrets, just to live until they die out or the human race.

The one day, everything seemed to have to change…

The wind blew with ferocity, sending shivers down their spine when they woke up in the morning. It had been chillingly cold during the night and they could even feel it in the blankets! It had kept them both awake during the night and when day struck, exhaustion slowly was taking it's course on the both of them.

"Damn, I never realized how tiring it could be from staying up all night…" thought Shinji while yawning, slowly working on the place that he would work on during some part of the day. It had been interesting weather because somehow clouds were slowly starting to form and turning grey, which could simply lead to rain. To him, if it was just going to rain it wouldn't bug him and it would surely help out Asuka with her work to give water to the seeds to grow.

"Well, this is going to be interesting…" thought Asuka to herself while looking up at the sky, the clouds of grey coming closer together than before. She hated this, this feeling that something wrong was going to happen. Not the good type of thing to happen though, maybe more like a bad thing. Call it premonition or something but the signs were giving off that whatever was going to happen, it wasn't going to be pretty.

"Where's Shinji at?" she thought to herself while getting back to work and planting some more seeds. Then she felt a trickle of rain fall onto the ground, and immediately rain started down pouring like a dam just busted open. She was soaked to the bare bone, and to her this was the worst feeling she'd had in a while.

"Schist!" snapped Asuka while the rain continued to pour on. She muttered curses under her breath and ran towards their home. She didn't care about the plants now, what she needed was to get out of the rain.

"Why did this have to happen at a time like this?" snapped Asuka while getting through the door and into the home, dripping on the floor like a wet cat. It was freezing cold simply put, and the clothes only made it colder.

"I have to find some dry clothes fast!" thought Asuka, running towards a closet and grabbing the quickest clothes she could find. Immediately and with haste she put them on, getting it on like she was the "Flash".

Putting on the last garment with a triumphant look and sigh, congratulating herself with mindless jabber to make her ego boost.

She decided since it was raining work would be pointless to do, and the water would hopefully help the plants. She decided to sit down this time and ponder…ponder the thoughts she needed to and always tried to stop herself from looking into.

"When did I fall in love with him?" thought Asuka, plopping onto the bed with a thump. "Why did I fall in love with him?" she continued on, like a reporter interrogating their victim, except herself. These were questions she tried to avoid at all costs, hoping for this fantastic fairytale conclusion of life as it was now. Even if they were truly grim like they are now, at least she could restart life with him.

But what drove her to feel this way towards him? He never fit her mold of the perfect man, nor seemed to be the obvious romantic one to sweep her off of her feet, and yet look at her now. She was with the wimpy, spineless boy who couldn't allow himself to get close to anyone. Yet, it seemed she could relate to him so well. It was as if…he really was her in a different body. They both lost their mothers and both had this shell that blocked others from getting close. They both were fragile and couldn't take another shot to the heart, nor take rejection. They, in essence, couldn't take one another's love and yet…yet…they could. No, they needed each other because they knew the pain they had, for the violin had been playing their number from day one.

It was as if, really the mold she thought was the ideal man was only a façade, only one she created to try and push him away. Shinji could never reach that and whenever he would try, he would only be shot down. Yet, it seemed through him, she felt healed just a little bit inside. He had driven her to this forgone conclusion that he was indeed the mold of the ideal man that she hid from herself in her own pride and conscious.

That was the reason she fell in love with him. In the end, he helped her become who she was now; kind and loving, nurtured and nurturing. She knew she too was helping him become the man he always needed to be; strong and brave.

"I think I know when now I fell in love with him…" Asuka thought to herself, still zoning out while staring into the bland ceiling. She fell in love with him when he had saved her those countless times, from helping her defeat Gaghiel, to the time he saved her from dying in the lava. It added up, one to another, the characteristics that she was hoping to help him gain. Really, she had been in love with him for the longest time, but could never get herself to realize that.

"If I had told him all this, if I had been with him and gave him my heart…would this all be different now?" she asked herself, getting up slowly and staring out into the windows that only gave grey darkness. The rain was as if it were cleansing her, washing away her ego and barrier once again, allowing the heart to beat with a large "thump" at the thought of his name. Look at her, it was as if she were becoming a giddy little school girl again. A light blush crept up on her face.

"Shinji, I love you…and nothing else matters to me…" she thought to herself, a contented smile resting upon her face. As if happiness crept up from behind her and wrapped itself around her, she felt this odd vibe and radiance glow from herself, and she could only continue to bask in it. This was life should've been…even if life were bleak now. Life should have this contented feeling, this feeling as if even if all odds were against you, you could still be happy.

"Asuka?! Asuka?!" yelled a worried voice from a distance. Immediately Asuka shook out of her senses, recognizing that voice. She got up and ran to the door, opening it and looking out for where the voice came from.

"Shinji, where are you? I'm over here!" yelled Asuka while standing in the rain, her breath becoming visible in front of her. She stood there, waiting in the silence for a reply. It seemed in those few seconds that an eternity had passed while an answer still wasn't there.

"Asuka! Are you here? Asuka!" snapped Shinji from far, starting to becoming visible in the rain, Asuka's eyes opening up with happiness. There he was, running to her, but with a worried look on his face. She stood there only for a brief second, then blazing at him with the speed no one could compare to.

"Shinji, I'm right here!" she said, smiling and wanting him more than anything. In those spare thoughts, that spare time, she couldn't help but feel this way. She needed him now, she needed him to be her source of warmth and peace. With the steps that only brought them closer, her smile never left her face.

"Asuka!" yelled Shinji with a relieved tone, smiling and running faster towards her. As if a magnet were pulling them together, they met halfway, the embrace filled with longing and yearning for warmth. However, Asuka felt a slight tremble and wince of Shinji, and had to pull out to look at him. Immediately, she saw a blood mark on his shirt from his abdomen, and Asuka felt a sense of worry creep over her.

"Shinji, what happened?" asked Asuka with a worried and demanding tone, Shinji then looking perplexed. Suddenly dawning on him, he looked at his injury and shrugged it off. This seemed to get Asuka a little bit teed off.

"Where the hell did that come from baka?" snapped Asuka with a more assertive tone, causing Shinji to flinch, backing up a step.

"It's okay Asuka, it's just a scratch, that's all…" began Shinji with a nervous smile and laugh, Asuka immediately replying back.

"Are you kidding me?!" she said with more shock than worry, "That's not just a scratch, that's a wound…we need to get you bandaged up!" with that, she grabbed his hand and ran, Shinji immediately running to make sure not to fall down. He winced at some of the pain from running again, but took it in and kept running to make sure he didn't cause any more problems with the problems they faced now.

When they got back to their place, soaking wet, they stood there for a while to catch their breath. Asuka looked at Shinji with a worried look, Shinji giving her this "I'm trying to get you to be calm" look. After taking a few minutes of catching breath, Asuka finally spoke.

"Shinji, got and get dressed into some clean and dry clothes," said Asuka, throwing the clothes at him, him fumbling some of them until he got them all, "and then I'll change after you." Immediately he walked off, going to the bathroom and changing.

He hadn't really taken the time to look at the wound, but in the bathroom that was a different story. What he saw was a little bit of a cut into the skin, but not deep enough to where there would be a lot of worry. He sighed it off and put on the rest of the clothes, walking out of the restroom and putting his wet clothes in a hamper. Immediately, Asuka followed suit and got changed. When she came out she got him to sit on the bed.

"Take your shirt off." Snapped Asuka with a motherly tone, Shinji obeying her command like a little three year old. Immediately, she saw the wound and winced as if she could feel the pain. She walked over to a drawer to pull out the first aid kit she found a while back while the place remained as ruins. She walked back over to him, opening it and setting it next to him.

"This will sting at first…" said Asuka with a caring tone, trying to get him to stay calm. Shinji didn't even flinch, let alone say anything to reply. She took out the Hydrogen Peroxide and put it on some cotton, swabbing the wound with it. She could feel the tenseness of Shinji's body whenever she put it on, but he braved it out. After about ten cotton balls, she finished, then slowly wrapping bandage around it.

"There, we're done…" said Asuka wrapping her arms around Shinji from the back of him. He immediately placed a hand on her two hands and looked at her with a smile. This is what he loved about her.

"Thanks Asuka, it feels better now…" said Shinji with a loving tone and a thanking tone. Asuka immediately rested her head on his left shoulder, getting her head in a position to be able to look at him and connect with eyes.  
"No problem Shinji, after all, it was a pretty bad wound…" said Asuka while Shinji only continued to give her a genuine smile, warming her up inside while it stayed on his face.

"I don't know what I'd do without you really…" said Shinji with the tenderness and honesty behind his voice.

"Why's that?"

"Because I'm sure that without you I wouldn't be who I am today…"

"And I too…"

"Asuka, I look back at who I am now, to who I was then, and I've become someone I never thought I could become…"

"And you've helped me change into someone more than I used to be…remember that…"

Slowly, as if it were a calculated, their faces slowly started to come together. Their lips yearning for the touch of the others crept closer and closer together.

BOOM! It was the shrill cry of the crackling of lightening and immediately at the sound you could see Asuka jump from the sound. She shot up sitting, still holding on to Shinji but sitting in an alerted way.

"Uh…Asuka…" said Shinji with an airy tone in his voice. Asuka looked at him in bewilderment, only to look at what was going on and blush.

"Could you please release your death grasp on my neck…" asked Shinji with a polite tone, causing Asuka to blush even more. Immediately she let go and Shinji rubbed him neck some. He looked back at her to see her trembling a little.

"Asuka, are you okay?" asked Shinji with a wondering tone, Asuka nodding at him without any hesitation to it.

"You seemed scared there Asuka…"

"That's a funny one right there…I the great Asuka!"

"It's ok to be afraid here and –wait, did you call yourself the great Asuka?!"

"So what if I did? You got a problem with that?"

"Haha, if Asuka was so great then she wouldn't be afraid of the lightening!"

"You think that I'm really afraid of --,"

Another boom resonated in the room, and immediately two arms wrapped around Shinji with a tight grasp. Asuka buried herself in his chest, as if hiding from it all. He smiled at her with a calming feel, wrapping his arms around her to protect her. He would make sure he was there for her no matter what, he made that promise.

"It'll be fine Asuka, I'll always be here with you, remember? I'll never leave you alone again. I'll protect you Asuka…" continued Shinji with a warming voice. He could feel the trembling of Asuka's body slowly start to dissipate.

When it all finally stopped, except the rain, Asuka held herself in the same spot that was in Shinji's lap and arms. She didn't care whether or not it would look right, but to her it was a place of safety. She took one look at him with admiration and love, love that said "thanks for it all, thanks for being my savior."

Slowly, as if the rain were washing away the barriers that they had yet to let go off, it melted them away. It melted any distance between them, and in the moment they were intertwined in, they slowly felt their hearts becoming one, their bond becoming bigger and their love even stronger.

In the rain that eradicated the barriers, the kiss that they had would seal it, causing them to become closer than ever…


End file.
